


Make you feel my Love

by Ursus_minor



Category: Loki - Fandom, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Frigga is still alive, Inspired by Mythology, Loki Falls In Love, Loki Is Good, Loki has a broken heart, Loki is a good father, Loki is beautiful, Loki is forgiven, Loki is full of mischief, Loki needs to heal, Loki tried to invade earth but redeemed, Loki/Sigyn tale, Loki/Sigyn/Vanaheim, Odin meddles with Loki's life, Protective Loki, Slow Romance, Smug Loki, Sweet Loki, Vanaheim, loki loves, seductive loki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-08-25 11:09:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 38,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16659976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ursus_minor/pseuds/Ursus_minor
Summary: In her childhood Sigyn had a best friend, a misfit god and Aesir prince who made her laugh and feel happy.Fate diverged their paths, until a few hundred years later they meet again. But it seems that fate is still not on their side...This is a sweet story, inspired by myths of Loki's love for Sigyn.... but no good love story is one without drama and tragedy...





	1. First Meeting

For you there'll be no crying.  
For you the sun will be shining.  
Cause I feel that when I'm with you  
It's alright, I know it's right.

_~Fleetwood Mac, Songbird_

 

Eyes wide, lower lip sucked into her mouth, the little girl stared at the strange man with a mixture of awe and bewilderment. He was taller than most Vanir and he wore a strange attire made from metal and a tough looking material the golden-haired gods called leather. It was tougher and did not move or flow about like the tunics and dresses she was used to seeing.

She frowned. It looked entirely uncomfortable.

She did like the green colour of his cape though, which reminded her of the deep, lush forests of Vanaheim, and she thought that the golden plates that covered his shoulders were rather pretty too.

The stranger had entered the garden with a book in his hand and settled on a rock next to the pond that held the blue waterlilies she liked so much. When she heard him approach, she had quickly hidden behind a rhododendron bush, waiting to see what he would do.

He was reading.

The girl was fascinated by the raven-black hair that fell almost to his shoulders. Only few people she knew had hair this dark. His face was delicate and his skin looked very pale and smooth, unlike the weather-beaten face of her father, Njord. He always laughed when she ran her hand over the many wrinkles on his face.

“It is the sea, the sun and the salty air that leave their impressions on my face. It means I am living a happy life, little goddess.” He would say and laugh.

“Will I look like that one day?”

Her father ruffled her hair affectionally.

“You, little treasure, will one day be one of the most beautiful Goddesses Vanaheim has to offer.”

She _loved_ the wrinkles on her father's face and how they crinkled when he laughed.

The man on the rock shifted a little, pulling Ailee's attenion back to him. She wondered were he belonged to. He did not look like her father's friends from the golden palace. They were all golden-haired, tall and somewhat _bulky_. More often than not they were rather noisy. This man was slender, dark-haired and quiet.

The raven-haired man on the rock cleared his throat, and while his eyes were still on the book in his hands, the corners of his mouth twitched into a smile.

“Do you like what you see, little one?”

She blushed at being caught red-handed, but before she could retreat from his gaze, the man raised his head and looked directly at her. The little girl squealed and ducked behind the bush. A soft velvet chuckle came from the rock.

“I mean you no harm, little princess.”

His voice was deep and pleasant.

“I am not a princess.” She replied timidly, keeping herself hidden behind the safe cover of the rhododendron.

“Who then, would the fair lady be who graces me with her presence?”

Nobody had ever called her a fair lady. She was but a small child. She pushed a few branches aside and risked another glance at the strange man on the rock. He had not moved and his eyes were still on her, but now there was a gentle smile on his lips.

The man's eyes were the colour of the ocean, a beautiful greenish-blue that held the same intensity as the raging water just outside her father's Hall. She loved the ocean.

She took a tentative step out of her hiding place and towards the stranger. When he still did not move, she left the cover of the shrub completely to stand before him, eyeing his armor with open curiosity.

“Will the lady tell me her name?”

“Sigyn.” Her voice was soft, and she shyly glanced up at him with warm hazel eyes.

Loki could not help but smile at the tiny creature. There was a gentleness about her that warmed his heart, and the way she slowly crept towards him, evidently driven by her curiosity, with a rosy blush on her cheeks and wide, shy eyes, he found himself utterly captivated. The god put the book aside, but as soon as he moved, the girl halted, readying herself to retreat to safety.

“I meant what I said. I mean no harm, Sigyn.”

Her eyes told him that she was not afraid, just cautious.

“You look different.”

“Do I now?”

“Your garments. They look _uncomfortable_.”

Loki laughed softly.

“It is called an armor, and it was not made for _comfort_.”

There was a little pause, and she took a few steps towards him.

“The green is pretty.”

Before she knew it, she was tentatively touching the fabric of his cape. Sigyn frowned, a little disappointed. It was not as soft as she had hoped it would be.

Loki did not move. The little creature enchanted him beyond his understanding, filling his chest with a tenderness that his mother would have been proud of.

“Are you from the golden palace?” Her small hand stroked over the fabric of his cape, but her little face turned to looked up at him.

“The royal palace of Asgard, yes, my lady.”

She giggled at his words.

“I am no lady. What is your name?”

“Loki.”

“Loki.” She repeated. The sweetness in her voice making Loki's heart melt.

_By Odin, where did this softness come from? Was this child using magic on him?_

Her eyes went back to inspect his armor, coming to a rest on the golden shoulder plates, and she pointed at them.

“These are pretty too.”

Loki laughed softly, then he patted the spot next to him.

“Why not sit with me, lady Sigyn, and keep me company while I am waiting?”

She eyed him for a moment, then evidently decided he was entirely trust worthy because she climbed up to sit next to him. Although he would not admit it, even to himself, the small child had already stolen his heart.

The God of Mischief held out his hand and sparkles of gold appeared in the air, gyrating slowly above his palm before they formed a butterfly of golden light that sat down, slowly opening and closing its wings. The surprised gasp that escaped the girl satisfied Loki. She reached out then pulled her hand back, looking up at him with wide eyes, as if to ask for permission.

“Go on, touch it.”

Tiny fingers stretched out to touch the golden illusion and she looked disappointed when they went right through it, until the butterfly exploded into countless twinkling stars that glittered in various colours as they rained down and disappeared. A delighted smile appeared on Sigyn's face.

“Magic.” Was all she uttered, with a hint of awe in her voice. That was the moment something changed. She relaxed.

“My auntie knows magic, she said that I have magic too and I will learn to use it one day.” Sigyn smiled proudly.

“Your auntie?”

“Auntie Frigga.” The girl did not notice the bewildered look on Loki's face because she was busy playing with the fabric of his cape and telling him all about Frigga. “She is a sorceress, and she knows _a lot_ of magic. And she is the best story teller in the realms, because she can make dragons appear, and elves, and – and trees, and flowers, and animals. And when I grow up I wish to be as good at telling tales as she is. When she comes to visit me, she takes me to the forest, and she shows me the flowers in the gardens.”

Sigyn sighed.

“I wish to be like her. She is a _real_ Goddess, Loki”

When she glanced at Loki, he was quick to hide his bewilderment behind a smile. It was not hard to smile in the presence of this girl and the way she spoke about his mother was adorable.

“She comes to visit you?”

The girl nodded.

“She comes and lets me sit in her lap, and tells me stories.”

“She does?”

The little girl nodded.

“Sometimes I imagine what it would be like if she would be my mother. I miss her so much when she is gone.”

“And where is your mother?”

Confusion crossed Sigyn's face.

“I do not know.” She whispered and Loki felt sorry to have asked the question, when he saw sadness darken her little face.

“I am sure Frigga would love to be your mother.” He said and earned a shy smile.

“Do you know her? She lives in the golden palace as well.”

“I know her very well, but I fear that her sons may be the reason she does not have much time to visit you.”

“Why? Does she have to care for them? Are they sick?”

Loki looked startled. For a moment he could not believe the innocent concern that lay in the child's voice.

“No, little one, her sons are quite well.”

She heaved a relieved sigh.

“The princes are simply - keeping her _very_ busy.”

“And she loves them very much, so I guess, she wants to spend all her time with them?”

  
“Yes.”

“I thought she might. They deserve it.“

Loki's heart twisted. Were Thor and he as appreciative of their mother as this sweet little creature who seemed to value Frigga more than Loki himself.

 

“Loki!” A warm deep voice made both of their heads turn to see Njord, the god of seafare, approaching them.

"Father!" Sigyn squealed with delight, slid off the rock and ran to embrace the god's leg, since that was all the tiny child could reach. Loki chuckled at the sight.

The God of Seafare patted the girl's head affectionately, before he gathered her up into his arms.

“I see you have found a new companion to play with, Sigyn?”

She giggled and blushed a little.

“Loki knows auntie Frigga.”

Njord was about to open his mouth, when his eyes met the dark prince's who just shook his head. Loki did not like the idea that the little girl saw him as a prince, or addressed him by title, he was quite content the way it was. She treated him as a friend, and he did not want a title to stand between that. The god of seafare smiled smugly.

“Does he really? And what else has he told you?”

“He says he lives in the golden palace. And he can do magic.”

Njord walked up to the rock Loki was still sitting on and offered him a genuine smile. The Vanic god was one of the few who felt completely at ease in the prince's presence. He never bothered to use Loki's title, but Loki had a strange fondness for the peaceful god who ruled the powerful ocean at Asgard's shores. Maybe it was because Odin had failed to offer the god of Mischief the fatherly warmth that Njord radiated. 

“You have met my little goddess then, trickster?”

“We had the pleasure to introduce ourselves.”

Loki unfolded his legs, and rose from his seating place. With a flick of his hand the book he had been reading disappeared and he straightened.

Njord eyed the dark prince with a smug expression on his face.

“I apologise for letting you wait. We should go to my working chamber to look at the contracts the Allfather sent.” He turned to the girl on his arm.

“Loki is here on business, little treasure, so I am afraid I have to steal your companion away from you now.”

She nodded and Njord gently sat her back on the ground, then he turned to leave. Loki followed him, nodding at Sigyn,

“It was my pleasure, lady Sigyn.”

“Will you come back and visit, Loki?”

The god smiled and knelt down to look into the little girl's eyes.

“I promise.”

 


	2. Vanaheim

A star shining in a universe far away  
My heart knows that we shall meet again some sweet day  
And you, you will be the flame that burns in my breast  
And oh, I know just by knowing you I was blessed,  
Yes I was truly blessed.

_~Ronan Hardiman, Heaven_

 

The God of Mischief stood at the edge of the small lake, absorbing the peace of the mild summer evening. It was just after midnight and the silvery light of the waxing moon reflected on the calm surface of the water. The lake was a short way away from where they had taken camp, a meadow stretching between the beech trees by the water and the yurts of the small make shift village that was lit by the warm glow of the camp fires.

Turning his gaze to the water, Loki inhaled the cool evening air. He was pleased that Frigga had convinced him to join her on the trip to Vanaheim, which served to teach some young healers. After only three days of being here, it turned out to have been one of the best decisions he had taken in a while. Until he arrived here, Loki had not realised how much he missed the soft beauty of this realm, something that stood in stark contrast with what he felt inside.

A light breeze rippled the surface of the lake and the perfect reflection of the moon burst into countless sparks, dancing over the water. When he sensed someone's presence, Loki quietly slipped into the shadow of the trees instead of settling on the soft grass to enjoy the stillness of the night. He cast a spell to conceal himself.

A figure appeared on the meadow, approaching the trees where he stood. As she drew closer, Loki recognised the girl as one of the healers, a young priestess, who had caught his attention earlier today. He could have sworn that he recognised her, but had been unable to place her. Which was odd, as the God never forgot a face, and her eyes were all too familiar. The young woman came to a stop a few feet away from where he stood, looking around as though she was expecting someone, and a moment later there was a rustling in the shadows and Loki's body tensed, instinctively going into battle mode, when a large furry creature emerged to walk towards the girl.

For a moment the God was at the brink of dropping his guise. But he did not sense any danger from the animal that had appeared between the trees, so he decided to wait and see how things would unfold. And he watched with astonishment as the girl sank to her knees and opened her arms to welcome the beast. Her arms wrapped around its neck, while the wolf licked her face, nudging her until she was on the ground giggling and telling it to stop.

 _Like a child,_ the God thought amused and smiled involuntarily at the girl's innocence.

A grown warrior may have trembled before this beast, and she fondled it with such affection. Then his eyes widened and Loki's mouth parted in surprise as a golden shimmer ran over the girl's body, leaving a beautiful wolf in her place. The slender beast with a silvery coat got to her feet and shook her fur, before the  two animals disappeared between the trees into the dark forest.

Loki dropped his cloak. 

***

“Can I not simply tell him, Frigga?”

“Absolutely not.”

“We used to be friends. I do not understand why he cannot know who I am.”

Frigga sighed and reached out her hand to take her hands.

“It is for your protection.”

“But Loki would never hurt me.”

“You are like a daughter to me, Sigyn. Loki is not who he once was.”

“Maybe he needs a friend?”

Frigga cupped the girl's face with her hands.

“I know you mean well, I understand this is difficult.”

“I miss him.”

“It has been a long time, Sigyn. You are a priestess now, consecrated to the Goddess, does that mean nothing to you?”

Sigyn's eyes threatened to fill with tears.

“This is the way the Norns are weaving your fate.”

“You mean I will never be able to tell him?”

“Only once you have fulfilled your role and are allowed to return to Asgard.”

****

She moved closer to were the dark God of Chaos had settled, studying a book on potions and seemingly oblivious to what went on around him. She knew better. Very little ever escaped Loki's attention, and she had sensed his eyes on her many times during the day, which naturally made her curious.

_Did he remember her?_

She spread the herbs she carried on the table next to Loki and began sorting through them, feeling his eyes on her back almost instantly. Her heart beat faster in her chest, and even though Frigga had explained to her that Loki would not recognise her for who she was, and she was not to give away her true identity to him, maybe there was still a chance? Even if he did not remember, the girl could not wait to find an excuse to speak with him.

It had been half a millennia since they had seen each other last and she had been merely a child. It was highly likely that the God of Mischief had completely forgotten about the skinny little girl he once befriended. To her, Loki had been her first true friend, her best friend, and he would therefore always have a special place inside her heart. She would never forget him. Seeing him again had brought back memories. She missed Loki and she missed Asgard and those carefree days of her childhood.

“I hope I am not disturbing your studies, your highness.” She glanced over at him shyly.

Loki did not look up from the book in his hands, instead he leaned back in his chair and placed his feet on the table.

“Not at all, lady -” His eyes flicked up to meet hers.

“Ailara.” She filled him in.

“Lady Ailara,” he murmured, eyes back on the book, seemingly disinterested.

“May I ask you -- ” Loki side-eyed her.

“You may.”

“What I have done to attract the attention of the dark prince of Asgard?”

Loki was taken aback by her straightforwardness. His first reaction was to deflect and lie, but then he reconsidered. The girl had evidently noticed him watching her, and he did not want to make the Vanir doubt his intentions by denying her observation.

So instead of “do not flatter yourself” he asked a polite,

“Have I offended you with my stares, lady Ailara?”

“You have not.” she shook her head, and smiled to herself, but did not turn to look at him. “Was it too forthright of me to ask?”

“On the contrary. It is true, I  _have_ been staring at you, but you need not be concerned. I am simply curious. Or rather - I am  _intrigued_.”

She laughed out loud and Loki raised an eyebrow at her reaction.

“Intrigued? Pray tell, whatever could you be intriguing about an ordinary person like me?”

Her words were light and sincere. There was no sarcasm, no ambiguous meaning. 

_So innocent. So sincere. Loki delighted in finding people's weaknesses, find their insecurities, make them uncomfortable and break their facades._

This girl posed – _a challenge._

The God closed the book and rose to his feet, the corners of his mouth twitching into a smile.

_Let us see where the limits of your sincerity and innocence are._

He closed the distance between them and ended up standing behind her, far too close to be considered appropriate. Ailee had turned her attention to the herbs at the table, when she felt his body so close that it was almost touching her.

“In Vanaheim we consider this a little too close to be appropriate.”

She stated matter of factly. Loki smirked, but did not move.

“However, if you deem it necessary to stand this close to answer my question, I shall not be one to judge your intensions. I do not care much about other's gossip anyway.”

A low chuckle escaped Loki, he leaned forward to reach over her shoulder and pull one of the herbs from a pile she had just sorted.

“Keep your mind focused on the task. This one can cause diarrhea, it should be in the other pile.” He stated flatly as if he had just moved closer to inspect her work. Ailee raised an eyebrow.

_Was he toying with her? Was he trying to make her uncomfortable?_

She was aware that since his "fall", Loki had gained a reputation of being deceitful and untrustworthy, especially amongst his own kind, and most people found him rather intimidating and unpredictable. She had heard so much about Loki that she found it hard to believe him to be the same God who would spend hours with her on the beach, collecting sea shells or sit in the garden and help her weave flower crowns. But no matter what she had heard, the presence she felt now was still as soothing as she remembered.

“Do all priestesses have the ability to shape-shift?”

“Not unless they are a trained sorceress, or the offspring of a powerful magic wielder.”

She turned around to look at him, and he took a step back to give her space.

“And what would that make _you,_ lady Ailara?”

She gave him a puzzled look.

“Me?”

“I saw you last night when you joined that beautiful beast of a wolf.”

“Oh, that.” She smiled. “I was born this way. All Vanir are born with magic, it develops differently in each of us. Just like the colour of our eyes and hair.”

“Are there other forms you can take?”

“Birds, snakes, butterflies. I love hawks.”

“I prefer falcons.”

“Very elegant birds. I can see why you prefer them.”

“What do you hope to gain by flattering me?”

She was taken aback by his question.

“I - I do not understand. There is no need to flatter you. I simply stated what I felt.”

Loki held her gaze, but his piercing green eyes failed to intimidate her, she rather found herself growing sad that he was not able to recognise her.

“Why would I flatter you? Your ability as a sorcerer is well respected here in Vanaheim. It is considered an honour to work under yours and the Allmother's care.”

He huffed, a little irritated by the girl's sincerity. Her heart sank. He had changed. He looked down on her sincerity, when it had been the dark prince himself who had taught her the value of that very thing.

“ _There is no reason not to always be sincere with yourself and others, little goddess. You should never feel ashamed for being yourself.”_

She sighed.

“You would like it in Vanaheim. The magic, the beauty of nature. All things you value.”

“Do not assume that you know me, girl.”

Ailee blushed a little and busied herself with the herbs.

“You are right. I do not. Besides that, you are nothing like anyone I know.”

Loki did not answer, and she relaxed when she heard him return to his seat, boots landing back on the table and the rustle of paper as he picked up the book. He ignored her again.

Ailee let her mind wander back to the times when the dark prince had visited her father's Hall by the ocean. They would spend all afternoon on the beach, chasing seagulls, collecting shells, or they were just sitting together watching the surf roll in. Loki would tell her about the palace and would listen to her telling him about the new things she had learned.

Ailee side-eyed the god.

Sometimes a heavy mood would settle over him and he grew distant, then she placed her arms around him and whispered in his ear.

_You are the most beautiful god I know, Loki._

It never failed to have a magical effect on him.

“You truly  _are_ the most beautiful god I know.” She huffed. Only when she looked up to see Loki staring at her in disbelief, she realised that she had said the words out loud, quietly and under her breath, but loud enough for him to hear them.

“ _What_ did you just say?”

In an instant he had taken his feet off the table and stood. Ailee bit her lip.

_Why in the name of the Goddess had she done that?_

That very moment Frigga walked into the yurt and the girl heaved a sigh of relief as the Allmother walked straight up to her son, asking Loki to assist them with preparing the potions in another tent.

Ailee avoided his eyes, and quickly turned back to her task, relieved when the two left the tent.


	3. Starry night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting again under the stars

The light of every star falls on you tonight  
The song you hold in your heart shines on as the darkness falls  
You can trust me to keep the wish till you come home.

_~Hayley Westenra, Winter's Dream_

 

“Not meeting your furry friend tonight?”

She sat up and turned to look at the dark prince, who had quietly appeared beside her.

“How long have you been standing there?”

His gaze lingered in the distance a little while longer before he brought it down to meet hers.

“A while.”

“You have an uncanny ability to sneak up on people, your highness.”

“So I have been told.”

“I can see why people are scared of you.” She chuckled.

“And you are not, I assume?”

“Not yet.” She smiled up at him and made an inviting gesture with her hand. “Why not take a seat? I would be most grateful for your gracious company.”

“Why does it sound as though you are mocking me, when you pay me a compliment?”

“Maybe the God of Mischief has put me under spell, I heard he haunts this area. They say he has a sense of humour, but then”, she narrowed her eyes at him, “perhaps they were wrong about him?”

“A twisted sense of humour, some would call it.”

“Humour nevertheless.”

Loki had been out for a midnight walk and was pleased to discover the girl lying amongst the high grass when he crossed the meadow. He had watched her for a while, as she lay, gaze cast upwards towards the star scattered sky.

The god settled in the long grass next to her, resting his arms on his knees and allowing his gaze to wander over the meadow that stretched towards the forest. Neither of them spoke for a while. Leaving the dark god surprised at how at ease he felt in the girl's presence, while she quietly savoured the feeling of being close to him again. Maybe the Norns favoured her more than she had thought, because she had feared that she would never see him again.

It was Loki who finally broke the silence.

“What brings you out here tonight, if it is not the company of the wild beast?”

“The stars. I find it profoundly soothing to take shelter in the infinite sea of lights.”

Loki hummed in agreement. He leaned forward to pluck a blade of grass, twirling it between his fingers absent-mindedly.

“The wolf the other night - a love interest of yours?”

She chuckled softly at his question.

“I am a priestess of Vanaheim, Loki, the oath to offer my body solely in service of the Goddess I took extends to the animal kingdom. So, no,  _ _she__ _is_ not a love interest of mine.”

“I am neither opposed to same-sex relationships nor to shape-shifting adventures in the animal world.” He said dead-pan and Ailee turned her head to look at him.

“So I have heard.”

A smirk spread on her lips and Loki groaned in feigned unease.

“Do not even start about Sleipnir.”

“I would not dare.”

She laughed softly and he grinned.

“If the wolf was not your mate, what is your relationship? You seemed close.”

“I look after her babies. She has known me for a long time and she trusts me implicitely.”

The girl reclined back onto the grass to glance up into the starry sky.

“Your magic must be strong if a mother-wolf trusts you. I am impressed.”

“Should I be flattered?”

“Most certainly so.” He chuckled softly.

 _“_ And what do you hope to _gain_  by flattering me, prince of Asgard?” She mimicked his earlier words.

Loki discarded the blade of grass and reclined sideways, bracing himself on an elbow, to be able to look at her. She had her eyes closed now obviously entirely at ease in his presence.

_So trusting._

“You have a rather brazen tongue, Lady Ailara. Do you truly not fear the consequences of addressing a prince of Asgard with such disrespect? Does my presence not even invoke any kind of veneration?”

“More than anything else, your presence is soothing, prince Loki.”

Now it was Loki's turn to laugh out loud and he earned himself a raised eyebrow when she finally opened her eyes to look at him.

“You are too trusting, my dear.”

“You are a prince of Asgard, Odin's son, a god. What is there not to trust?”

“The God of Lies ... and Deceit?” He offered.

She made a move with her hand to wave it off and closed her eyes again.

“What about God of Chaos and Destruction?”

“Chaos must exist to complement order - to keep balance in the universe. Without darkness, how could we appreciate light?”

“A poet was clearly lost on you. Any relations to Bragi maybe?”

“Bragi, dear prince, is the God of _Song_ – I believe that Odin is the one who governs poetry. You should know your father's traits better ... unless you were testing my knowledge about the Aesir?”

Loki sniggered.

“My father was never interested in my traits, why should I acknowledge his?”

“Do I sense bitterness in your words - or guilt?”

“I do not owe Odin anything.”

“No. We cannot change what life throws at us, we can only choose to value what is given to us.”

“Your way of seeing the world is very naive, my lady.”

“Naive does not always equal foolish. My view of the world allows me never to loose hope.”

“I have never been one for sentiment.”

__Liar._ _

“And yet you do not strike me as the dark and evil god I heard so many tales about.”

“And yet they are all true.”

“And yet I feel safe with you.”

“Which only proves your foolishness. You should not even be out here with me. Alone. Your strength is no match for mine. I could easily have my way with you, if I wanted to.”

“You could.” She opened her eyes to look at him and offered him a warm smile. “However, from what I have heard, I believe that you would rather hear a girl beg you for pleasure, than force yourself upon her.”

Loki cocked an eyebrow, clearly amused. His voice was a low, seductive purr when he asked,

“And pray tell, my little priestess, would  _you_ beg me to pleasure you?”

Much to his satisfaction, she blushed. Loki could see it even in the pale light of the moon. Satisfied that he finally found a way to unsettle her, he continued to tease.

“I wonder what kinds of pleasure a priestess of Vanaheim would crave? What would her darkest desires entail?” He cooed seductively, delighting in the girl's embarrassment.

_By Odin, the Norns must have been in ebullient spirits to send such a sweet and innocent creature his way._

“Tell me, dear lady. I promise, I will keep your secrets safe.”

She put a hand over her eyes to hide her face and whispered sweetly.

 _“Now_ you  _frighten_ me.”

He chuckled.

“A small victory, but a victory nevertheless.”

"You are insufferable."

"I am aware."

He let himself fall back on the grass, and they both glanced up into the star scattered firmament. The God of Mischief had not felt as light spirited for hundreds of years.

“Loki? Can you show me the stars?”

“They are right there, my lady.”

“I mean, the stars of  _Asgard_. You can cast illusions, can you not?”

__I miss them so much._ _

“You are in the presence of the _master_ of illusions, sweet lady.”

“Show off,” she muttered.

“Insolent creature. What fee are you willing to pay for seeing the stars of Asgard?”

“What fee?"

"Showing you my magic comes with a price."

"What is it you  _want_?”

Loki side-eyed her.

“A kiss?”

His words had the desired effect. She blushed deeply and Loki smirked.

“Ask for something else, trickster."

"Then I demand that you answer sincerely any question I pose tonight."

"You mean, answer everything  _and_ be sincere about it? That is two things you are asking for.”

“I am the God of Lies, I would know when you are being dishonest anyhow.”

“Very well. You can ask, anything. But  _first_ , show me the stars.”

“So demanding. You should be Thor's sister with that kind of imperious nature.”

She chuckled.

“I am trying hard to keep my boisterous and impetuous side under lock and key.”

Loki laughed softly and a moment later, the sky above them changed. She smiled as the familiar stars from her childhood twinkled over her head. The illusion was truly magnificent. Everything was there, the milky strands of galaxies, the clusters of stars that made up constellations she had grown to love. The Swan, the Dragon - 

"The Hunter! ... and the dog. They are all there!" 

She pointed up into the sky, her eyes alight with pure joy. The excitement in her voice made Loki smile.

"Magnificent, Loki. Thank you."

For a while she lost herself in the sky above her, before Loki brought her out of the enchantment.

“When did you decide to take the vow of a priestess?”

She sighed.

“It was not my _choice_.”

“Elaborate.”

“I am the offspring of a Vanic High Priestess and an Aesir God. It was a union of great importance and the female offspring of such unions is considered to have very pure, powerful magic. This is the reason we stay in the Goddess' service. It was not my choice, because I was born into this role.”

"Does it not bother you to have your life predefined?"

"I cannot change who I was born as, can I? You were born a royal of Asgard, does that _bother_ you? A life in service of the Goddess is a great honour."

"But do you never wish to be free to do as you please?"

"My freedom lies in fulfilling my duty as a priestess."

"So obedient." He huffed. "I had thought you more free spirited."

"Some walk the realms, believing they are free, when in truth they remain bound by their fate, their desires and actions - others live in capativity but are free in spirit. Outer freedom is a lie. An illusion."

Loki turned his head to look at her, his eyes searched hers but she kept them focused on the stars above. She spoke with more wisdom than he would have given her credit for.

"Who was your father?”

“Someone very powerful.”

“You do not know?”

She hesitated, then shook her head.

“I never met my parents. I was raised under the care of a foster father.”

“How do you know your father was a powerful Aesir then?”

“Because I have not yet consummated the sacred marriage ritual. I have been saving myself to unite with someone as powerful as my father, so that the lineage can continue without a decline in magic.”

“You are still -  _untouched_?” Loki asked in sheer disbelief.

“I am.”

“How old are you?”

“Just turned six hundred.”

“Six hundred years!? And you have never - ?” He sat up to regard her and she bit her lip.

“You speak of this as though it was something unfavourable.”

The dark god laughed softly and shook his head.

“I meant no disrespect, Lady Ailara. I simply have never met a sixhundred year old maiden. Have you never desired the embrace of a lover? Was there never anyone you would have liked to -”

“Loki, please, do you have to embarrass me?”

She sat up as well, covering her face with her hands, feeling the heat rush to her cheeks. He was not the right person to discuss this with.

“You said I could ask  _anything_.”

“And that I would answer your questions honestly. I guess, I brought this upon myself by agreeing to your terms.”

“I simply cannot believe that in 600 years, there has not been a single man who caught your attention?”

“There was one.”

“And what kind of unmanly man is he that he did not pursue your favour?”

“He is unaware that I have such feelings.” She kept her face hidden, otherwise he would surely know who she spoke about. “Apart from that we – we are from different realms.”

“So, you are still drawn to him? Maybe I could arrange something for the two of you? A clandestine meeting of surreptitious lovers?”

He chuckled when she playfully slapped his arm. When she met his eyes, the familiar sparkle of mischief twinkled in the depth of his gaze.

“Stop it! I know you are teasing me now.”

Without hesitating, she slapped him again, a little harder.

_This girl was refreshingly uninhibited around him._

“What about you, Loki?”

“What about me.”

“There is gossip.”

“Is there? And what tales do they spin about me?”

“That you could seduce even the faithful wife of a saint, and that you - that you laid with all the Goddesses in Asgard.”

Loki laughed and her eyes grew wide.

“Is it true? ---  _All_  of them?”

“And a couple of Vanic beauties, who I must admit are much more passionate lovers.”

She turned to face him, eyes wide in shock, but when Loki winked at her, she started giggling like a little girl. Something melted inside the god's chest.

__He had missed this sound._ _

Loki rolled onto his side, propping up on his elbow, determined to elicit more giggles from the girl.

“I would be more than happy to demonstrate my abilities to you, my lady. I could prove all those tales true by seducing the most chaste, 600 year old maiden.”

Much to his delight, she  _did_ giggle again and blushed. Two things that were rapidly becoming Loki's favourites.

“No, thank you  _kindly_ , your higheness.”

“Killjoy.”

__Yes, he had missed this._ _

__But ... missed what exactly? How could he miss the sound of her voice? Why did he find her girlish giggles not silly but enchanting?_ _

Loki studied her features before he let his eyes roam over the girl's form, surprised it did not elicit the usual reactions in his body. While he found her attractive, he felt himself drawn foremost to her guileless and gentle nature. She was so trusting, she did not even suspect him of seducing her. It was oddly invigorating. And it was somewhat liberating to know that she purely enjoyed his company. She sensed his eyes on her and turned to face him.

“What is on your mind, my prince?”

The god smiled at the term of endearment she used with his title.

“It seems that I fail to either intimidate  _or_ seduce you, which means you threaten to defile my reputation as a seductive, ruthless god who cannot be trusted. Presently, I am trying to decide if I can afford to keep you alive.”

"I see. Well, it is a rather difficult decision, I guess."

"This is  _all you have to say_? Not even any attempts of appeasing me to have mercy on you?”

His tone was teasing and she found herself in the very familiar presence of the god of her childhood. A god of laughter and mischief.

"And how would I be able to implore the mercy of such a terrifying god?"

"You could start by ceasing to mock him, irreverent creature."

The corner's of his mouth turning upwards, as she pouted before she shook her head.

"I would never --"

Her eyes narrowed, and she suddenly she sat up, listening into the stillness of the night, before she stood and straightened her dress. 

"I am summoned to the healer's tent. I have to go. Thank you for your company, prince Loki. I did verily enjoy it while it lasted.”

“It was my pleasure. And you can call me by my name, since you have done so at least six times already.”

She blushed. “I apologise, your highenss.”

He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Loki."

A smile spread on her lips as she turned back towards the village.

"Lady Ailara?"

"Yes?"

"Take good care of yourself and be wary of who you place your trust in. I do not like the idea of any harm coming upon you.”

“I will consider your words, my prince.”

Loki stretched out in the grass and allowed his gaze to become lost in the star scattered firmament, revelling in the unfamiliar feeling of peace and contentment.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are welcome :) and thank you for leaving Kudos.
> 
> I know this is not the usual Loki bad boy story, personally I love his sweet and witty side - so I am happy that some of you do too. That's the great thing about Loki - he is so versatile! ...


	4. Beauty, peace and ... monsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friendship deepens...

 

 

 

Like a whisper in the wind, the gentle breeze touches my skin,  
And I know you're with me always, always.

I can feel it in the air the fire that we share  
Can only come from deep within

It's a light that burns so bright, it guides you through the night  
And leads you to me,  
So find your way back. 

_~Hayley Westenra, my heart belongs to you_

 

A few days passed and Loki found himself no longer alone on his midnight strolls. The meadow under the stars quickly became the meeting place where the young priestess would join him, be it for a walk or simply sit with him to enjoy the peace of the night. More often then not, they did not even talk, but merely indulged in the silence of each others company. A couple of times Loki had attempted to dip into the girl's mind, only to find a spell of some kind blocking him. Much to his consternation he discovered it to be pretty much impenetrable and as complex as the glamour that kept his Aesir form in place.

Ancient magic. Something he would need more time to look into.

The girl often asked him about Asgard and Loki surprised himself with an unfamiliar eagerness to show her the beauty of the Realm Eternal. He created illusions of the palace, the gardens and even the ocean, which seemed to make her eyes glitter with something akin to a deep yearning. Much to Loki's bewilderment, when Ailara was around, everything inside him seemed to be bent on making her smile.

Off-kilter enough for a god known his lies and deception, it was only the tip of the iceberg. The god became aware that his mind was entirely relaxed around her. It was never scheming of how to seduce her, bed her, or use her to his own advantage in any other way. Everything he did around the girl was entirely – and shockingly -   _unconditional_.

Much more alarming should have been the fact that her presence gave him a rare and unfamiliar feeling of freedom. And a deep peace that the god was entirely unaccustomed to.

Had it not been so pleasant, Loki would have found it rather uncanny.

Evidently, this side of him would have to be kept under wraps for everyone else, reserved for solely for the young priestess.

 

“Would you like to join me?”

Loki looked when Ailara entered the healer's yurt, a bright smile adorning her face. He had worked on potions all day with a small group of healers and was busy sorting through the day's notes. 

“Join you? To do what, lady Ailara?”

When she walked closer, Loki could see her eyes alight with innocent excitement that immediately brought a small smile to his lips.

“To see the babies!”

She grinned. Loki's eyebrows rose in question.

“The _babies_?”

She rolled her eyes at him before she leaned on the desk.

“The wolf cubs.”

Now a genuine smile appeared on the god's lips.

“For a moment I was afraid you were mistaking me for a midwife." He winked.

"Hm... It would surely give the Norns a headache to weave the fates of little creatures who had the God of Chaos help them see the first light. Not sure if anyone would consider it a blessing though."

Loki laughed softly.

"Reverence and respect. Are the priestesses of Vanaheim not taught the most basic things?"

"Not when the god in question seems to thrive on the exact opposite - because fortunately he possesses a sense of humour. Come, let us go. You want to see them, do you not?"

"Indeed, that would be delightful. That is - as long as their mother finds me worthy of their company of course, my own mother awaits me for dinner later on, so I should make sure to return in one piece.”

“She will like you. _I like_ you. She trusts me.”

Loki smirked as he stacked the parchments of notes away and followed the priestess out of the yurt.

“How did you befriend her?”

“Hm?”

“The She-wolf.”

“Oh, Raksha. I saved one of her babies once, that was a while ago though. We are old friends."

"She has a name?"

"Of course, she does. I know most animals who live here, I guess that comes with being a priestess. We respect all life and regard animals as younger siblings, so it is our duty to look out for them.”

“I forgot how much the Vanir value life.”

“You speak as though Aesir do not.”

“Aesir try to subdue it, control it, but we do not necessarily respect. Not the way you do.”

 _We._ Loki huffed at himself. _His own heritage was a whole different matter._

“You are a warrior culture, I guess war is always about power. We worship the Goddess - She is present in all life, so killing and hurting would be a direct insult to her. She created life, She is life, and She will take life back when the time has come. There is no need to control, because She takes care of everything.”

They walked in silence for a little while. Ailara's words stirring something in his chest that he had long forgotten. The Vanir were a peaceful people, and out of all those living in Asgard, it was the Vanir he had always felt at ease with – most of all, of course, his mother. She seemed to calm his nature in a similar way this girl did.

“You are different though”, she suddenly said.

“I beg your pardon?”

“You are different to other Aesir, I mean.”

“Yes, I guess, I do not fit the blonde, muscly myth?” He scoffed.

She chuckled softly.

“That was not what I meant, but I guess you are right about that too.”

Loki raised an eyebrow.

“Do enlighten me then, my lady, what did you mean?”

“You are – softer.”

“ _Softer_?”

He emphasised the word with not even feigned shock and was surprised that hearing this from her lips felt like a compliment rather than an insult. If he was to be honest with himself, he would have probably killed anyone else who had dared to call him _soft_. Well, at least put them in their place for insulting him.

“Did I just sign my death sentence?”

A little smirk lingered on her lips as she regarded him and Loki did his best not to return it, but to _glare_ at her.

 _Enchantress_.

“I cannot deny that you are digging a very deep hole for yourself, one that will require a lot of effort to get out of.”

“Well, at least you did not kill me right away.” She smiled. “I am aware that more than anything else my words would be an insult to a warrior like yourself, so I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me as they truly were not meant to offend you.”

“Are you mocking me again?” He just could not tell with this girl. Being called a warrior did stroke his ego though.

“Not this time.” The smile vanished.

“So, why do you choose to insult me then, if you do not wish for a quick death?”

“It was not meant as an insult, but as a compliment. Most Aesir I know are boisterous, loud and rough. You feel more like Frigga to me. Maybe it is your seidr? The fact that you have practiced it your whole life? You seem so much more refined.”

Loki's hollow laugh startled her.

“I believe you see something in me that does not exist. All the tales about me are true, my lady. I killed ruthlessly and without regret, deceived the Allfather, tried to forcefully subdue an entire world, and I was the reason that chaos descended upon the realms, which my brother is still attempting to remedy. I may not be boisterous and loud, but I am certainly not refined or soft.”

She did not know what to say. She wanted to tell him that a god who had sacrificed much of his time to befriend an odd, skinny little girl, who did not really belong anywhere, could not be as bad as he made out. But he was right, it was in his nature to create chaos, she could feel it in his magic. His magic was a powerful force, a flow of pure intensity, constantly swinging between extremes. In most magic users, the force would find balance at some stage in their lives and one would be drawn to either Light or Darkness. But Loki held both sides within him, and she was aware that when he chose to use his dark side, he would do so without regret, he would destroy without hesitation.

Maybe he was right, maybe she wished him to be someone he was not – well, at least not anymore.

But then, why would he bother to spend time with her? Why would he teach healers? Why would he create illusions of Asgard so that she could marvel at the beauty of the realm? Why would he waste his time and magic to simply bring her joy?

They walked the rest of the way in silence.

***

She watched the whelp in Loki's lap happily chewing on his fingers, while the god ran his other hand over the silver fur. As expected, their mother had accepted Loki without much more than a low growl and lick of his hand, before she took off with the rest of the pack. It was only not often that Ailara joined the wolves in human form, but when she did, she found some of them enjoying the fact, because she would rub their fur or scratch them behind their ears.

The little one in her arms had fallen asleep and she rather enjoyed running her fingers through the soft fur and watching Loki. She chuckled when another tiny wolf approached to attack Loki's boot. The god's eyes were glinting with something she would have called delight, when the cub in his arms playfully jumped up to snap at his black curls. The dark sorcerer let himself drop on his back, and she heard him chuckle as the small furry beast stood proudly on the god's chest, wagging his tail and nipping at Loki's nose. The second whelp was whining now, impatiently clawing at Loki's leg, desperate to join his brother. Ailee leaned forward to lift him up, and he clumsily pounced on the pup on Loki's chest. Laughing and growling, Loki wrestled with both of them for a while, until they grew weary and started to yawn. The god sat up and merely waved his hand to make the two pups fall asleep in his arms.

Remembering his company, he glanced up to see Ailara staring at him a smug smile on her face.

“There goes the last shred of your intimidating reputation, Lord of Chaos.”

Loki raised an eyebrow at her, his mood had significantly lifted playing with the wolf cubs.

“You witnessed me subdue two ferocious beasts a mere moment ago. Does that not count? I have merely to decide if I should grant you a quick death or keep you alive for my amusement.”

“Amusement? What about all the flattering things I have to say about you?”

“Indeed, I should take all your _insults_ into account as well.” He smiled, before his gaze suddenly became unreadable. “What you said, that afternoon when you first spoke to me in the healer's tent –”

She bit her lip. Somehow she had fostered the hope that Loki would have forgotten the fact that she had accidentally said those words out loud.

_The most beautiful god I know._

She should have known better. Loki was not one to simply _forget_ things.

“I – well, it – it kind of slipped out.”

His blue-green eyes held hers.

“If you neither wish to flatter me nor plan to take me to bed … if you do not desire any more from me than my – my _company_ , what would move you to say such a thing?”

_Was he jesting or testing?_

She could not tell. She held his gaze for a while, searching his eyes for a hint of emotion, but found none. Maybe the truth would be her best option.

“Because it is the truth?”

To her astonishment Loki did not laugh, but averted his eyes, so she carefully continued.

“I remember the first time I met the Allmother's family and the residents of the palace. The Aesir warriors, so full of strength and splendour, boisterous and loud. And then there was one god who was entirely different. Dark, quiet and of a beauty so mysterious that it captured a little girl's heart. To the little girl you were the most beautiful of all the great Aesir.”

She felt the heat rising to her cheeks as she spoke and quickly bent down to hide her face in the sleeping pup's fur, suddenly feeling self-conscious about her words.

For once, Loki's tongue seemed to have turned to lead. He was unable to find any retort to the girl's confession.

“It does sound as though I am infatuated with you, does it not?” She cautiously looked up at him and he caught a glimpse of worry in her gaze.

“No.” He shook his head. “It sounds as though you have lost your mind.”

She was about to heave a sigh of relief when she realised what he had said.

“Loki, I sincerely value your company. I just - if you think me naive and silly, I do not know why you bother to spend time with me?"

“You intrigue me. I have yet to meet someone who so vehemently denies to fear me. You treat me as a friend, and I am ashamed to admit – I am rather fond of it. I do not think of you as silly, it is simply that I do not know what to make of the things you say. I am not used to being treated with such open sincerity and kindness.”

Ailara's face brightened and she reached out to place her hand on top of Loki's.

“Why would you think the God of Chaos does not deserve a friend?”

“Becasue friends do not harmonise with lies and deceit.”

“So far you have been nothing but honest with me, have you not?”

“You are a peculiare creature, Lady Ailara.”

“Ailee. I am calling you Loki, so please call me Ailee.”

“Light,” he murmured, “Is it not the meaning of your name?”

She nodded.

“And how can Light befriend Darkness?”

“How can Darkness be without Light?”

He raised an eyebrow.

“The stars are beautiful only because they sparkle in an infinite sea of darkness.”

“And _chaos must exist to complement order._ ” He mimicked her own words, his tone sarcastic.

“Exactly. Your mother's words by the way, not mine.”

“Ailara - Ailee, you see beauty where others see only dirt, goodness where all hope is lost. I pray you will never suffer from the way you see the world, and that bitterness and regret will never poison your heart.”

He gently placed his hand other hand on top of hers, thumb stroking the soft skin. She could feel the heaviness of Loki's thoughts and she wished she could lift his spirits.

“Was this a blessing from the dark God of Asgard?”

“An offer of goodwill from - a friend.” Loki smiled. “I should return, my mother awaits me.”

“I will continue my duty here and take care of the babies.”

She smiled at him and pulled back her hands, leaving Loki feeling oddly empty.

"Will you wait in the usual place for my return? I should be back before midnight."

He nodded and placed the sleeping cubs on the ground.

"Until then."

"Enjoy the time with your mother."

The dark god nodded and teleported back to the village, catching the glimpse of grey fur as the girl transformed into a wolf. 

 

 ***

Loki sat up when he heard a yelp of pain, his mind instantly alert. Then he heard the guards yell out from the campsite.

“I got the beast!”

“Where? Where did it go down?”

“Somewhere on the meadow. It was a good shot, should have gone straight through the heart.”

In an instant, the dark god was on his feet, scanning the meadow between him and the yurts. He saw the two guards stepping out between the yurts at the same time. The long grass swayed gently in the wind, betraying nothing, but the god's eyes were sharper than most, and accustomed to the dark so he soon spotted a movement that was not caused by the wind. Something moved through the grass, slowly and erratically. When he got a glimpse of grey fur, the dark prince darted towards it.

He reached her just in time to see her collapse onto her side, a heap of fur amongst the soft grass. The god sank to his knees beside the wolf, calling her name softly. A golden arrow protruded from her body just behind the shoulder blade. Her body was so still.

“No,” Loki whispered. Panic washed over him.

_Don't leave me. Don't you dare leave me!_

Surprised by his own reaction he extended his magic as he leaned over her to carefully place his hand on the animals abdomen. She was breathing. Loki exhaled sharply with relief.

“Ailee.”

The wolf heaved a sigh in response, he could sense her magic, her life-force.

“Ailee, it is I, Loki. I have to extract the arrow and you must transform back as soon as I have done so. I can help you better then. You need to trust me.”

He was unsure if she even heard him, but Loki knew that he had to act quickly. There was no way to assess the seriousness of her wounds, unless she was back in human form, however shapeshifting with an arrow stuck in her side would only cause more injury. Without further hesitation, Loki ripped the arrow out of her and the wolf howled in pain. With the last of her energy she transformed back into the girl. Her lips moved as if to say his name and her eyes searched his, before they fluttered shut and she lost consciousness. While focusing his magic to stop the bleeding, the god's eyes swept briefly over the girl's body. She had not had the energy and awareness to conjure clothing over her naked form, and had it not been such a dire situation, it would have brought a smirk to the mischievous god's lips.

But in this moment, all mischief had left him and was replaced by a grief that threatened to fracture the organ pulsing in his chest, that the god thought had long withered and died.  He pulled off his cloak and covered the girl's body, when he heard the two soldiers approach.

“Prince Loki. Did you find the beast?”

One of them called out, as they came closer. Both froze when Loki rose to his feet to show them what he had found.

“What? What kind of witchcraft is this?”

“The witchcraft of a priestess of Vanaheim, you witless oaf.” Loki hissed as he shoved the golden arrow into one of the guard's hand. “They are a peaceful people who live in harmony with nature. Prepare to justify your foolhardy actions tomorrow, soldier.”

The dark sorcerer knelt down to gather the girl into his arms. Without sparing the speechless guards another glance he stalked off towards the yurts.

A priestess was already waiting for him at the healer's tent, when she saw the question in his eyes, she smiled mildly at him.

“We connect through our minds and emotions. She cried out to me for help and I felt her pain. What happened?”

“One of the witless guards took her for a threat and shot her. She was on her way home from visiting her friends in the forest.”

“Lay her down here." The priestess pointed to one of the beds. “I forgot how violent the Aesir can be, they kill wild creatures just for sport.” She looked up at Loki for a moment, while she positioned Ailee's head between her hands. “What is it like to live amongst such barbarians, Son of Laufey?”

Loki's eyes widened slightly. Only his family knew his true nature. How did she --?

"My name is Anat, High Priestess of the Shrine of Bandar. Ailee is under my care. We have not been formerly introduced, but yes, I am aware of your ancestry."

Loki opened his mouth, but never spoke, because Anat pulled his coat off the girl and pressed his hands onto the wound in her chest. In the soft light of the tent he could see her beauty. What a delicate, beautiful body with soft curves --

“I need you to focus, Loki. _On the wound_!”

His eyes snapped to hers, and he nodded.

“The arrow has not punctured her lung, but penetrated her heart. We have to act fast, but with both of our magic we should be able to stabilise her, so that she can heal herself.” Anat placed one of her hands on the girl's head, the other on her abdomen, and inhaled deeply. “Share your magic, God of Mischief.”

“What?” Loki looked up at the priestess eyes wide in shock.

“You care for her, do you not? Surely you would not mind sparing a little of your magic to save her life?”

He swallowed, almost pulling his hands away.

_Sharing his magic. It meant sharing part of yourself, even though she lay unconscious - what would she be able to see? To feel?_

“She will not be able to delve into your secrets, my dark prince. If any traces of your magic should remain, they will be in her unconscious entirely.”

Loki did not look convinced, but Anat lost her patience.

“Loki. There is no time for hesitation. We are loosing her. Do _you_ wish to _loose_ her?”

“What – what is required of me? I have never done this before.”

"There is a first time for everything, Lord of Chaos."

 ***

By the time they pulled there magic away, Ailee had fallen into a restful sleep, and her wound was already healing. Anat walked over to a bowl of water and washed the girl's blood off her hands, Loki followed suit. The towel she offered him was soft and had a pleasant lavender fragrance, and it took the God longer than necessary to wipe his hands. No words were spoken between them, until Loki turned to rest his eyes on Ailee's sleeping form.

“Is your mind still troubled about sharing your magic?” Anat's voice was soft.

“She will not know, will she?”

Anat shook her head.

“It is unlikely that any of your magic will remain with hers.”

“In that case - there will be no need to tell her that I aided in saving her life.”

“And why is this?”

“I have my reasons.”

Loki turned and moved to leave, when Anat placed a hand on his arm.

“She speaks highly of you and I know she considers you a friend, which many of your realm would consider foolish.”

“As would I.” Loki scoffed.

He pressed his lips together. He had no reason to keep this friendship alive. He was not attracted to her physically, merely fascinated with her innocence and lightness. But tonight, he had felt afraid at the prospect of loosing her and yet he could not explain why.

“And yet you encourage her?”

"I do not know why."

Loki's gaze turned back to the girl on the bed.

She treated him as if he was a – person – not a title. Not prince Loki. Not the God of Chaos. Not a monster. Not even the God of Mischief. He was simply Loki to her.

“She feels safe with you. Is it not a rare privilege? For anyone? To have another being feel safe in their presence?”

His eyes flicked to meet Anat's dark blue ones.

“You are aware of what I truly am, and yet you ask me how I can bare to live amongst gods who act like barbarians. Is my own race not the most barbaric of all?”

Anat smiled still resting her hand on Loki's arm.

“I do not care much about _what_ you are, because I am aware of _who_ you are. This is why I asked you how you can live with such barbaric standards. You share a deep respect for nature, for the Goddess, Son of Laufey. Yes, you were brought up amongst the Aesir and you were corrupted by your desire to be equal. To prove yourself worthy. You were so distracted with your failure to be worthy of the Allfather's throne, that you failed to see the value of your uniqueness. Even if you believe so, it lies not in your nature to be cruel.”

Loki scoffed. “Is that why I am called God of Chaos and Destruction?”

“Destruction and Chaos are natural and necessary for life. They do not make one cruel, but they can make one compassionate. To be a God who unleashes Chaos, means to act beyond the rules and standards of others. For that you must have the spirit to stand beyond judgement and bear the responsibility that comes with it. Deep insied you know this." She squeezed his arm. "God of Lies. Does he not know better than anyone else when somebody speaks the truth? How could you befriend an innocent creature like her otherwise? And what concerns your “ _race_ ” - At least your they do not claim to be the most developed amongst the people of the Nine Realms. Your people may be powerful, wild, uncontrollable, and destructive - but they do not claim to be more than what they are.”

“They are monsters.”

“Are they? Aileewas shot because one of your guards saw in her a _monster._ Do you share his perception?”

Loki regarded her. She spoke with the same wisdom his mother had, and yet he had always been unable to listen.

“The Vanir have no quarrel with the Jotun. We have learnt to accept and embrace, rather than conquer.”

“The Aesir tried to conquer you.”

“And never succeeded. We extended our hands towards you and found a solution to benefit all. We brought you magic. Seidr, the very thing that flows through yours and Odin's veins. I hope the Allfather does not forget that the source of all his power lies in the Goddess.”

Loki frowned, astounded by the depth of the priestess eyes as he held her gaze.

“You are wise, like my mother.”

Anat chuckled.

“Well, _she_ _is_ one of _us_. Vanir.”

She patted Loki's arm in a motherly way.

“Now go and rest, Lord of Chaos. We will need your expertise tomorrow.”

Before Loki left the tent, he turned.

“I do not wish for her to think she is indebted to me. That is why I desire to keep what I did for her tonight a secret. If she feels indebted to me, she may not allow herself the same disrespect and lightheartedness she has around me now. And I would very much regret that.”

The priestess offered him a benign smile.

“You are wiser than I gave you credit for, prince of Asgard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raksha is the name of Mogli's mother in the Jungle Book, and means "She-wolf" ... just in case you were wondering ... ;)


	5. Pool of Mischief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mischief in a forest pool...

There's just no rhyme or reason  
Only the sense of completion  
And in your eyes, I see  
The missing pieces I'm searching for  
I think I've found my way home.

_~Savage Garden, I knew I loved you_

 

Frigga was not happy when she heard about the incident with girl. The guards were sent back to Asgard the same day, and not replaced.

She asked Loki to join her when she walked to the healer's tent to enquire about the girl's well being, surprised to find the bed Ailara had occupied empty. Anat informed them that the girl was not one to be pinned down for long. She had healed well, and the healer had allowed her to leave in the morning. Anat cast Loki a glance and a smile, letting him know that his magic had worked wonders on the girl, which lifted his spirits in an unfamiliar way. 

 

"I hear that she considers you a friend?"

Frigga pulled him out of his thoughts as they walked through the village.

"It seems that way."

"And what do you consider her, Loki?"

Loki halted, trying to gage the tone of his mother's voice. 

"What is the purpose of this question, mother?"

Loki's voice was soft, and she sighed when she turned to face him.

"I am happy for you, Loki, but remember that she has a role to play here."

"Mother, it is not what you think --"

"No? Good, because she is a priestess and I hope you keep that in mind."

"I have no desire to bed her if that is your concern." Irritation coloured his voice now and Frigga felt sorry for her words.

"Now if you will excuse me, mother, I have to prepare for today."

"Of course, Loki."

She watched him stalk off, and her heart clenched. 

How could fate be so cruel?

She loved them both, and yet, she knew that she could not allow the feelings they held for each other to blossom. Feelings they were destined to have. Feelings that were unacceptable under the current circumstances.

_By the Norns, why did Odin still hesitate?_

_Why could they not be open with them? At least tell them that they needed to wait?_

_What did her husband know that she did not?_

_What was her husband planning, that she was unaware about?_

 

****

A loud splash made her sit up with a gasp.

"Huh?"

Ailara rubbed her eyes and blinked.

_Where was she?_

She glanced around. Forest, bird song, soft splashing of water from the waterfall nearby. It came back to her. After her swim she had climbed onto on of the flat rocks by the edge of the pool to dry herself in the sun and had fallen asleep. Judging by the sun she had not slept for long though. 

_By the Norns, those midnight walks with the dark prince were taking its toll on her. Since she was injured her energy had not been the same._

Another splash drew her attention to the pool beneath the rock she lay on, so she crept to the edge to spy over it only to find a very beautiful and very naked dark prince frolicking in the dark water a few feet away. Unable to take her eyes off him, she placed her chin on the arms and watched for a while. At one point he stood up in the waist deep water, and she could not help but admire his perfectly sculpted body, the taught muscles on his back moving under the skin as he lathered himself with soap, before he sank underneath the surface to rinse it off. 

He came up just underneath the rock, facing her with a wide grin plastered on his face.

"Enjoying the view?"

She blushed, but kept quiet for lack of a sassy reply. Loki laughed.

"Have you lost your tongue, little priestess?"

He sank back and swam a few strokes into the deeper water before he turned around, treading water and looking up at her.

"Would you like to join me?"

"Not today." She replied nonchalantly.

"Ah, so you found your voice again. What are you doing up there on the rock?"

"I fell asleep after my swim. I should be going back, they will wonder where I am."

She said the words, but did not move. Apart from the fact that the view was truly immaculate, there was something else that kept her gazing at him. Loki noticed she was staring at his chest, and he realised that, thinking he was alone, he had not bothered to hide the large scars from his near death on Svartalfheim that displayed so noticeably on his chest and back.

"What happened to you?"

She asked with genuine concern.

"Battle wound." 

He dismissed it with a gesture of his hand.

"You should have died."

"I sort of had."

" _How?_ "

"Some secrets need to stay secrets, little one."

He could see her pout, and it made him smile involuntarily.

"Now, why not come down and join me, little nymph, I could use some help washing my hair."

"I am not your servant, arrogant god."

She huffed and Loki laughed out loud. 

"Thank the Norns you are not! You would be the most insubordinate servant I ever had."

He had not finished the sentence when his face distorted and he hissed in pain.

"Loki?"

"What in the name of --? I cannot --"

The dark god clasped his leg, spluttering water and sinking beneath the surface, only to come up a moment later cursing and ringing for air, before he disappeared completely in the dark water. 

"Loki?"

The surface of the pond calmed, betraying nothing. 

"LOKI?!"

Ailara panicked. Without thinking she leaped off the rock into the water, reaching the spot where he had disappeared with a few strokes. She took a deep breath and dove underneath the surface, but there was no way to find him in the black water. 

_Why did it have to be a black pool? Why could he not have disappeared in a crystal pool, where the water was so clear you could see the bottom?_

She came up, breaking the surface, gasping for air. 

"And here I thought you were not going to join me!"

A smug voice purred behind her. 

_What the --?!_

"You!"

She spun around, eyes glinting dangerously as she shoved an armful of water in Loki's face.

The god laughed. 

"This is not funny, Loki! I cannot believe you -- I was worried, frightened! You made me think you were hurt -- How could you?"

She was beautiful to look at, with her wet hair clinging to her body, and droplets of water on her skin, glittering like diamonds in the sunlight, not to speak of the fire of anger burning in her eyes.

"I do not know what came over me, it seems the God of Mischief had me in his clutches." He said with feigned innocence, but the smile on his face was soft and genuine when he continued. "Forgive me, I could not resist."

Her anger dissipated, as she took him in. The smile still lingering on his lips, water dripping from his dark locks and clinging to the long eyelashes that framed those beautiful ocean-coloured pools. His eyes enchanted her ever since the first time she had seen him. Wild and untamed as the stormy surface of the ocean, and yet clear and calm like the ocean's depth. 

"Are you going to loose your tongue again? You have that look on your face."

She shoved another handful of water in his face, before she turned and swam towards the shore into more shallow water, where she could feel ground under her feet.

"I guess, that was a yes." Loki chuckled and caught up with her where she stood, the water reaching just below her collarbones. 

"You are insufferable, Loki."

"This word seems to gradually grow into a new epithet for me."

It made her laugh.

"Am I forgiven then?"

His voice a purr, one of his eyebrows raised slightly as he looked at her, creating a little frown on his forehead, while his big clear eyes literally seemed to beg her.

"Do you practice this look in front of a mirror?" 

"Is it working?"

She shook her head, but could not help and smile. He behaved like a big child.

"Turn around." Loki raised an eyebrow at the sudden order, so she clarified it for him. "Well, if you wish for me to wash your hair, you better cooperate, and no mischief while I have my hands on you."

He could not hide the pleasant surprise on his face, and obediently turned his back towards her, lowering his head into the water to rinse his black locks before he made a small bottle appear in one of his hands, which he offered her. 

She unscrewed it and brought it to her nose. From Asgard, most likely. It instantly brought her childhood days back to her. Her time with him. The heavy fragrance reminded her of summer rain, fresh mountain air and lush forest soil, suffused by a subtle sweet waft of wildflowers. 

She quirked an eyebrow and smiled.

_A rather unique scent._

_Loki's scent._

She thought of all the times she had snuggled up against his chest, or hugged him. All the times he had carried her in his arms. 

Loki lowered himself into the water so she could easily reach his head. The god purred softly as her hands massaged the shampoo into his scalp, lathering his hair with the fragrant foam. Her touch was - literally - making him melt. He had been joking, when he had asked her to wash his hair, but now, as her small hands were indulging him, Loki conceded that it was the best prank he had ever played on someone.

His hair was soft and it felt nice to touch him, because she could feel him melt into her touch. She felt his whole body relax as she let her fingers run over his skin, her thumbs pressing into the back of his head in small circles, before her hands wandered down to gently trail over the skin of his neck and shoulders. 

_So soft. Surprisingly, for a warrior. His skin was like velvet._

He shuddered and she pulled her hands back. She had enjoyed this long enough. She had allowed herself to admire his beauty _and_ indulged in touching him. It was time to get back. 

"Rinse."

"As you command, mistress."

He disappeared in the dark water.

She rolled her eyes and did not wait for him to surface, but took off towards the shore, summoning a bathing cloth to wrap around herself as she rose from the water and gathered her clothes from the grass nearby.

The elation she felt from touching him was _not_ something she should encourage further. She had never felt like this with anyone else, and even though she had no experience with sensual pleasures, she knew that what they had just shared in the pool had been far too intimate. She was expected to be entirely devoted to the one she was destined to unite with. A priestess of her status was to be consecrated to only one person, and only after fulfilling her duties, would she be able to choose her lovers freely.

If there was anyone who had been able to capture her heart and soul, it was this dark god. She adored him. And she should not. 

She should not have indulged him, she should not have indulged herself.

And yet, she did not regret it. 


	6. Dance with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> romantic moments...

When the rain is blowing in your face  
And the whole world is on your case  
I could offer you a warm embrace  
To make you feel my love  
  
When evening shadows and the stars appear  
And there is no one there to dry your tears  
I could hold you for a million years  
To make you feel my love  
  
I know you haven’t made your mind up yet  
But I would never do you wrong  
I’ve known it from the moment that we met  
No doubt in my mind where you belong

_~Bob Dylan, make you feel my love_

 

"What are you doing?" The dark god asked sleepily.

Loki had dozed off on a grassy spot at the edge of the forest, allowing the afternoon sun to embrace him with its warmth. When his consciousness returned to the waking world, he had sensed someone's presence and his eyes snapped open to look straight into a pair of warm hazel, that was but inches from his own face regarding him intently. Ailee was lying on her side, mirroring him, her soft gaze resting on his face.

"Watching you sleep."

Loki blinked. And she grinned.

"You are a peculiar creature, little nymph."

"Oh, is that my newly earned term of endearment then?"

He frowned a little, squeezing one of his eyes shut, in an apologetic way. 

"I could call you pet, if you prefer that." A smirk tugged the corners of his mouth upwards.

"I am no more your pet than I am your servant, may I remind you, my impertinent prince."

"Oh, but you proved to be a much better servant than I could ever have hoped for. Who would have thought that seeing me in all my glory, would evoke such devotion in you?"

He said smugly and Ailee raised an eyebrow, before she punched his chest hard. 

Loki just chuckled. 

"Take off that armor so that this is a fair fight, God of Sassy Replies."

Another punch landed on his chest, which elicited more chuckles.

"So desperate to see me naked again? Are you trying to seduce me, pet? "He cooed.

Ailee growled and Loki tried to catch her wrists when she launched another blow, but she escaped his grip and drew back to sit up. 

Without warning, the God of Mischief darted forward and grabbed her. Ailee squeaked. Loki was laughing, when he rolled onto his back, taking her with him. He immobilised her by wrapping one arm tightly around her and pressing her against his chest, while the fingers of his other hand sought out the ticklish areas on her side and she squealed as the god shamelessly took advantage of her defenselessness.

Much to Loki's delight she giggled before she pleaded with him to stop. But the dark god was relentless. 

"Hm, it is so lovely to hear you beg, my little servant."

"Stop, please, stop, Loki!!" She screamed.

"Unfortunately for you, I am known to have no mercy. You brought this upon yourself by challenging me, _pet_."

It was not until tears rolled down her cheeks, that he stopped and loosened his grip on her. Not enough to let her slip off his chest though, and so she lay on top of him, panting. 

"You are an abominable, dangerously dark and absolutely atrocious god." She huffed, between soft giggles.

"It took a lot of effort to finally make you see that." He joked and Ailee allowed her head to sink on his chest. One of Loki's arms slipped off her, to give her the opportunity to draw away, but much to his satisfaction she made no move to do so. 

"Beautiful though, I cannot deny that. But, outer appearance is not everything."

Loki laughed. 

"No, but it helps to win favours."

"Of the goddesses in Asgard? ... and a few Vanic beauties?"

"Are you jealous, little nymph?"

She raised her head to look at him.

"Even if I was, I would not know. I have never felt jealousy."

_Blessed soul._

"I believe I prefer your friendship over a few moments of pleasure." 

"How would you know?" He was teasing her. She had grown so familiar with him, so comfortable around him, it was astounding. This kind of conversation would have made her blush a short while ago.

"Are you trying to make me blush? Because it is not working. It seems that I have grown immune to your ambiguous insinuations, Silver Tongue."

"What a shame."

Ailee folded her arms over his chest and rested her head on them. She groaned a little and heaved a sigh, which made Loki somewhat concerned that he may have overstepped her boundaries by holding her so close, and he could not tell, because he could not see her face.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?"

To his surprise she chuckled. 

"No, it is not you. But _this "_ she poked a finger at his chest, "is entirely uncomfortable to lie upon."

"Is it now?"

Something shifted under her and her breath hitched, when Loki's armor was replaced with a soft tunic. 

"Is that better? Does that please the lady?"

She could feel firm muscles moving under her as Loki put his free arm under his head, so that he could look at her. 

_How was it that he could be with her like this? He could take her in his arms, hold her to his chest, and yet, that was all he needed._

_Inhale her scent, feel the warmth of her body, revel in the peace that her presence invoked in him._

They lay in silence for a while, until Ailee reluctantly pulled away and left Loki feeling oddly empty. She sat up and smiled at him. 

"Frigga said you will be going back to Asgard?'

"Yes, Thor needs my assistance with political issues -  it seems that he has the muscle, but not the brains to run a kingdom."

"He is not king yet, but he is certainly lucky to have a brother with a silver tongue and negotiation skills."

Loki's mind drifted off for a moment. That was not the only reason why he had been summoned back. The negotiations concerned Jotunheim and Loki was weary of Odin's unspoken plans. Even though he could sense the sincerity in the Allfather's words, when he called Loki his son, the god was not naive enough to think that Odin had given up the hope that Jotunheim and Asgard could be united in peace on day. Through _him_.

The god drew a deep breath. 

"I will miss you." She breathed.

There was such softness in her voice. No sadness. He met her eyes, and the warmth in them lifted his heart.

_How did he deserve to call such a beautiful creature his friend?_

 "I will miss you too." 

He sat up and held out his hand. A flower appeared in it, purple, with three large petals that spread out to the sides, while a smaller one grew upwards from its centre. It was not like any flower she knew.

"It is beautiful."

"The only flower that grows both on Asgard  _and_  Midgard, I believe somebody brought it there from the Realm Eternal. Maybe that is why it is considered a symbol of royalty in the earthly realm. Intriguingly, it seems to thrive on Midgard, while in Asgard it is rarely found, only in specific locations."

Loki offered it to her and Ailee studied it full of awe. 

"It holds the magic of the Goddess, I can feel it. What do you call it?"

"Sigblóm."

"Victory's blossom, a befitting name. Thank you, my friend!" She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. For a moment Loki hesitated, then his arms slid around her. 

When she pulled away she blinked.

_Was that a tear in her eye?_

"No farewells, Mischief." He nodded his head, then shook it and smiled.

"No farewells, my priestess."

****

Summer turned into a vibrant and colourful autumn that was followed by a mild winter. There were few regions in Vanaheim that drowned in snow, but everyone rejoiced when spring arrived to herald the warmer seasons. It was early summer when Ailee was summoned to Freyr's Hall to partake in a blessing ceremony for upcoming peace negotiations the Vanir were holding together with Asgard and Jotunheim. A few maiden priestesses had been invited, together with Freyja, to hold a ritual to invoke the Goddess' blessings. It was an auspicious time and the ceremony lasted three days, concluding with a big feast. Ailee looked forward to that. Feasts in Vanaheim always included laughter, dancing and joy. 

Freyr turned out to be everything that she had heard him to be. Beautiful, shining, proud, and undeniably virile - every women, priestess and goddesses made a big fuss over him and revered him. Needless to say, the god was a flirt.

Ailee enjoyed his company, because he was also witty and light-hearted. Despite all his seductive prowess, Freyr deeply respected the sacredness of a priestess and would have never laid hand on her. But it seemed that he derived as much pleasure from her company as she did from his. So they had spent much of the afternoon together, walking, talking and laughing. He promised to be an avid dancer and indicated his intentions of proving it to her at the feast in the evening. 

Ailee adored the feasts and festivals, because merriment pervaded the atmosphere, and the halls were filled with laughter and joy.

When she entered the hall that evening, she cast her eyes around the room, hoping to get a glimpse of the guests of honour, and was disappointed to find out that they had not arrived yet.

_You may not even get to speak to him. He is on an official visit with the Allfather. _He will be busy with other things.__

Still, the prospect of getting a glimpse of her Aesir friend, who was meant to join the feast together with the Allfather and Thor, let her heart beat a little faster. 

_Would he still look the same? Had his hair grown longer? Had he --_

She stopped herself and shook her head, before she mingled with the crowd, nibbling on some food and sipping the sweet light wine she enjoyed so much.

Frey's Hall was a beautiful place, like all Vanic buildings it was spacious and its structure looked organic rather than "built" and the interior included indoor plants, small gardens as well as fountains. There were even birds and butterflies. Those guests who did not fancy dancing or dining at the tables, were loitering on chaise lounges or the patches of grass that were conveniently placed throughout the hall like carpet.

She had settled on a small bench watching the dancing couples, when Freyr came up to her with a grin on his face, took her hand and pulled her onto the dance floor, which made Ailee giggle in surprise ... and Loki look up from the conversation he was having.

_There was no mistaking the soothing tinkle. He would never grow tired of the sound._

The dark god had been unaware that his friend was here, in Freyr's hall.

_Where are you?_

When his eyes found the girl, his heart dropped and his gaze darkened. Seeing her in Freyr's arms, smiling and laughing, quickly drained his already low supply of good mood. 

 _No need to be jealous._ He chided himself. _She is a friend. Nothing more._

“Hm, I see that somebody has caught your interest.” 

Loki's eyes snapped to the goddess at his side. Freyja's glance wandered from Loki to the girl that was currently dancing in her brother's arms. She smiled.

“I never thought I would see the day. Has the dark god finally found a worthwhile pursuit?”

“It is not what you think. She is not ... one of my conquests.”

“No. I clearly see that you have not bedded her.”

“Watch your tongue, Freyja.”

“Forgive my teasing, Lord of Mischief, I have seen you jealous before, but not _this_ kind of _jealous_. There is fear in your _heart_." The goddess tapped the centre of his chest with her index finger.

"I do not think I own such a thing." Loki replied coldly, hating the fact that his reaction had displayed so clearly on his face.

"God of Lies."

"The girl means nothing to me."

"I am the Goddess of _Love_ , as well as pleasure, Loki. Do you think me daft? I know love when I see it. Just as you know lies when you hear them." She took a sip from her wine, and before Loki could reply she added. "But I also know that she is a maiden priestess, which means that you cannot have her. She is _beyond_ your reach."

Now Loki glared at her.

"And why would that matter? She is a friend, nothing more."

"Hm. Well, seems the God of Lies is even skilled at lying to himself."

"I have no desire to bed her."

Freyja enjoyed the dark scowl on the god's face, and she offered him a smug smile.

"Merely in case you should change your mind, you could always request to join with her on the Midsummer Festival, no Vanic elder will deny an Aesir god the request to consume the Sacred Marriage with one of the priestesses. An option to consider, my friend.”

She patted his arm before she took another sip of her wine and turned to speak to one of the other guests.

Loki was left confused. For a moment he just stared at the drink in his hand. 

_Love?_

He downed the goblet in one go. Putting the empty cup down on a table, he grabbed another and repeated the action.

 _Impossible_.

After yet another goblet of wine, his gaze bravely returned to the dancing couples, searching for the source of his confusion. 

Only to find her gone.

 ***

Freyr had finally released her and Ailee sought out the cool evening air of the outer gardens. The sanctuary was illumined by the full moon that bathed everything in silver light, a sweet fragrance of nocturnal blossoms wafting through the air, and the gentle chirring of cicadas soothed her mind. It had been a joyful evening, and yet, there was a sadness growing in her heart. She would leave tomorrow, and had hoped so much to see him. 

_No reason to be disappointed. He is a friend. You will see him again sometime, for sure._

_She had waited for centuries the first time, why was she so impatient now to meet him again?_

True, she had missed Loki while he was gone, but until now she had simply accepted the fact that this was the way it was. He lived in Asgard. She in Vanaheim. They were worlds apart. She had come to terms with it.

But tonight ... now that she had _expected_ to see him, it hurt. It hurt that she had not even managed to catch a glimpse of his dark hair, his pale face, his uncomfortable dark armor. 

She smiled at the thought.

_Entirely uncomfortable._

A tear slipped down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away when she heard someone approach.

"Would you offer me this dance, my lady?" The velvet voice sent a chill through her body. 

She turned around and let out a stifled laugh. 

There he stood.

In full _uncomfortable_ armor, his hand outstretched, a hopeful smile on his face. Looking even more beautiful than she remembered him.

Her dark god.

Loki's smile grew as she placed her hand in his and nodded.

"I know that look by now", he whispered. "I know that you have lost your tongue, my priestess, but there is no need for words. Come here."

Loki pulled her into a tight hug. 

_Oh, sweet Allmother, he had missed her. Her fragrance, her warmth, her soothing presence. He could not even begin to comprehend what he felt when he was with her._

Loki loosened his hold and allowed her to step back, one hand came to a rest on her hip, while the fingers of his other hand gently wrapped around hers.

"Dance with me."

She tilted her head to look at him, and was pleased to find the familiar smile that graced his lips when he felt content. They moved slowly to the soft sound of the music that came from inside. 

Her hand slipped around his waist and when she sighed contently, Loki let go of her other hand so she could wrap her arms around him, and he could do the same. The pair swayed in a slow dance, tightly wrapped in each other's embrace, each others presence. 

There was something that connected them which lay beyond words. 

She placed her head against his chest and Loki instantly lowered his cheek against her hair, closing his eyes to focus on the sensation that holding this goddess in his arms sparked inside him. 

_She was his anchor. The eye of his storm. His sanctuary. His treasure. His peace._

He had no idea how she did it. 

_Love?_

_... could it be? ..._

_He had denied it for so long. Feared it with all his being._

_But if this was love, it could not be so bad, could it?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that!!! ... a bit of drama is on the horizon so stay tuned ...


	7. A Midsummer Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The course of true love never did run smooth.”  
> ― William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream

Maybe it's intuition.

Some things you just don't question.

Like in your eyes I see my future in an instant.

And there it goes, I think I found my best friend.

I knew I loved you before I met you, I think I dreamed you into life.

I knew I loved you before I met you, I have been waiting all my life.

_~Savage Garden, I knew I loved you_

 

 

“Make sure he pays you exactly what you asked him for. He is a trickster, do allow him to make use of his silver tongue, good lady.”

The woman at the stall blushed and than paled. Because, firstly, Ailee's comment had betrayed her distrust towards Loki, and secondly, because the priestess spoke with such lack of reverence that the dark god would likely be displeased as a consequence. Much to the woman's confusion, the dark prince turned to the girl who now stood by his side and merely quirked an eyebrow.

“I am offering the woman valid advice, God of Lies.” The priestess quipped.

The woman paled even more.

Had the girl no sense of self-preservation? Did she have to provoke him?

“You have grown brazen, Lady Ailara. Are you unaware that offending a God of Asgard may have dire consequences?”

At hearing the god's cold tone, the colour drained completely from the stall holder's face as she stood frozen in fear.

“I am _well_ aware, Lord of Chaos. But you --” she poked a finger at the god's chest and the poor woman gasped in shock. “Are _you_ aware that the sweet delicacies this lady is selling are the most sought after in all of Vanaheim?”

She cocked her head and smiled warmly at the woman who just stared at her. It was the first day of Midsummer celebrations and the best artisans of the region had gathered in the settlement close to Freyr's Hall, which was therefore filled with music and exotic fragrances and colourful stalls that held all kinds of foods and artisan items. The goddess Freyja had informed Ailee about Loki's arrival and that he would be attending the Midsummer festival this year, so she had ventured forth to seek out her favourite god and was not surprised to find him a sweet stall.

She should have known that Loki had a sweet tooth.

The woman's eye widened when the priestess picked up on of the coated strawberries and waved it teasingly in front of the god's face. She was still shocked at the lack of respect the young priestess showed the dark god, whose presence had been nothing but intimidating her ever since he had come wandering over to her stall to let his eyes roam over the sweet treats. Now his gaze was trained on the young woman's face and he narrowed his eyes dangerously.

“I am –  _well_ aware, Lady Ailara.”

“So, the dark God has a soft spot for sweets?”

“Verily so.” Loki said nonchalantly.

The woman let a sigh of relief, thanking the Goddess that the god of chaos kept his calm.

“I shall remember it then - for the next time I invoke your wrath.” The priestess said, leaving the woman utterly shocked.

The _next_ time she invoked his wrath? This priestess seemed just as insane as the dark god himself.

“May I choose some for you, my dark Lord?”

“I fear I will not be able to deter you from doing so.”

“Consider it an offering to appease you.”

She picked a small purple ball and placed it in his hand with a smile. The god's face brightened and he returned the smile. Ailee leaned forward and plucked some coated strawberries and milk balls off a stack to place them on a leaf plate. The woman relaxed a little and looked between Loki and her, trying to figure out what was going on between them. They behaved like lovers, but the girl held the mark of a maiden priestess on her forehead, meaning that she was untouched and dedicated to a particular god.

A dreadful thought entered the woman's mind.

Was she consecrated to him? Consecrated to the God of Lies?

Loki brought the woman out of her thoughts, when he asked what he owed her for the sweets. The lady shook her head.

“You do not owe me anything, prince of Asgard. It is tradition that food is given to gods and priestesses as an offering, to infer their blessings, it would be an insult to them to receive payment.”

The woman tried to look everywhere but Loki when she spoke. He understood and smiled.

“Good lady, do not fret. I can see you are terrified to insult me, and yet you are not overly fond of receiving my “ _blessings_ ” either. I assure you that you will not have to suffer either. Consider it an offering to the priestess at my side, she will surely bestow more favourable blessings than I would.”

The woman nodded, evidently relieved, and murmured a thank you before she gave Ailee two more sweets, which the girl received with a graceful nod of her head and a smile, before Loki and her were off to explore more of the market together.

“You terrified the poor woman.” Loki chided when they walked away.

“The God of Mischief must have rubbed off on me?” Ailee offered innocently. “He has been a fairly bad influence.”

“Has he now?”

“Oh, yes! He has entirely corrupted me with his ways.”

“What a scoundrel. How could he have corrupted such a pure and innocent creature as yourself?”

She offered Loki another one of the strawberries, and put one in her own mouth.

“I have no idea how it happened. I believe he enchanted me, being a master of magic. I used to blush at his insinuations, but have grown immune to them now. I even find it adorable, when he calls me his pet. Can you believe it?”

_You do?_

“Verily, an unspeakably impertinent creature, that God of Mischief.”

“I know. And I cannot seem to stay away from him.”

“Well, a god pet always follows its master.”

He smirked deviously as he delivered the line, and earned himself a smack on his arm.

“Here”, she stopped and held out the last of the sweets to him. “You need that to sweeten up that vile tongue of yours.”

Loki just glanced down at her and smiled, before he bent down and took the sweet from her with his mouth, lips ever so slightly touching her fingers.

Ailee blushed deeply. And the God of Mischief chuckled.

“I have not seen that lovely blush in far too long.”

“And here I thought I had grown immune to blushing around you.”

“I hope you will never grow immune to me, and that I will always find a way to make your cheeks glow, my friend.”

She averted her eyes briefly before they came back to meet his gaze accompanied by a shy smile.

_Beautiful, beautiful goddess._

They started walking again, when Ailee's eyes widened and a wide smile appeared on her face as she straightened and waved at someone she had spotted in the crowd.

“Freyr!”

Loki caught sight of the god a moment later and groaned inwardly when he stirred through the crowd, making his way towards them. Ailee looked much too happy for Loki's liking about seeing the Vanic god, and the dark prince could feel the fire of jealousy rising inside him.

“My lady.” Freyr took her hand and placed a kiss on it.

_My lady? Really?_

“You look more radiant than ever.”

_Really? She would not fall for that, would she?_

Ailee giggled.

_Yes, she would._

Loki rolled his eyes, suddenly feeling like the fifth wheel on the wagon, but then, sliding her arm through his, Ailee pulled him to her side. The action made Loki straighten up and cast her a confused look. But her eyes and smile were still on Freyr, who now turned to the dark god and inclined his head in greeting.

“Loki, it is a pleasure to meet you outside of political discussions.”

'The pleasure is on my side, Freyr.”

 _God of Lies._ Ailee thought.

“I heard you will be joining the Midsummer Festival and its - activities. The Norns must surely be in your favour as I see that you have the most beautiful of all the Vanic priestesses on your arm.”

Loki  _almost_ rolled his eyes.

_Well, what shall one reply to that?_

“She is _my_ _pet_.”

Loki offered with a smirk and Ailee kicked his shin unobtrusively, but hard.

“What was that?”

Freyr asked innocently and Loki cleared his throat.

“I said that we just met. At the stall over there and had some sweets.”

“Ah, the best sweets in the entire Nine Realms.” Freyr's eyes flicked from the dark god to Ailee and she noticed a glint in them when he said, “Not quite as sweet as Ailee, I must admit.”

Hearing him speak Ailee's name with such familiarity and ambiguous denotation, Loki shot him a death glare, which seemed only to spur him on as Freyr's voice dropped slightly when he looked at Ailee.

“I vividly remember the last time I held you in my arms, Ailee, and would not want to miss another opportunity. So I shall look forward to the dance tonight.”

“As shall I.”

 _Ouch_.

Freyr smiled at Loki.

_Alright, that was too much._

Loki opened his mouth, when Freyr said nonchalantly.

“Unless, of course, somebody has already claimed your company for the festival?”

“Well, I --”

“It seems that  _somebody_ has indeed claimed the _Lady_ Ailara's presence for the entire time of the festival.” Loki stated leisurely, but the look in his eyes would have made a grown bilgesnipe tuck its tail between its legs and run.

Ailee glanced up at him in surprise, and if Loki would have not been so intent on killing Freyr right then and there with the daggers in his gaze, he would have seen the smile that spread on her lips.

She chuckled softly and placed a hand on his arm, which broke Loki's icy focus and melted his gaze.

Freyr smiled.

“No offense, God of Mischief, I was jesting.”

_Oaf._

Loki huffed.

“I see now that my sister was right, and I hope for both of you that you will incur the Goddess' blessings during the festival and that Litha will be a time of enjoyment and peace.”

With a nod of his head and a smile Freyr turned and walked off, leaving behind a seething Loki and a frowning Ailee.

“What was that all about?”

Loki shook his head.

“I have no clue.”

They took up walking again, much to Loki's dismay, Ailee slipped her arm from his as they did, leaving him feeling cold. Her touch made it so much easier to control his anger, and he was still in inner turmoil about Freyr's insinuations. Freyja and her brother clearly thought he had come to claim Ailee as his, which had not been his intention. Litha, the Midsummer festival had just been a good excuse to come and visit Vanaheim, especially since his mother always came here for a few days before she returned to celebrate in Asgard.

It was custom in Vanaheim that a god would lie with a priestess and consummate the Sacred Marriage, a ritual that incurred the blessings of the Great Goddess as the Vanir believed, while most Aesir found it appalling. And yet, many of the gods still chose to appear on Vanaheim when the time came. A union with a priestess was considered a great blessing in Vanaheim, as priestesses were seen as direct channels for the Goddess and revered as sacred. Some priestesses held an even higher status than a god or goddess.

After Freyja had spoken to him at the feast a few weeks ago, Loki had briefly considered the possibility of claiming Ailee as his, but had quickly discarded the thought. To consummate the sacred act, a priestess would have to accept the God who intended to claim her. Ailee was his friend. She trusted him. How could he try and persuade her into something like this? Even if she accepted, it would be because she felt obliged to do so. _Not_ because she wanted to.

No, Loki was content to be with her the way it was. He did not desire her like he desired others.

And, quite frankly, even though she flirted with him in an innocent way, who knew what she truly thought of him? She may even despise him if he tried to lay claim on her.

He was content to be her friend, nothing more. Still, the thought of Freyr flirting with her and spending time her tore his heart apart.

“Cease your frowning, my dark god. I do not know what occupies your thoughts, but this is a time for enjoyment, not for brooding. Unless you wish to share what is on your mind with me?”

_My dark god?_

Her eyes were so clear, regarding him with such open affection.

“Why ever are you in such a good mood, Ailee?”

He clearly diverged the conversation, so Ailee did not push him to tell her his thoughts.

“It is the moon festival tonight, the start of the Midsummer celebrations. Delicious food, beautiful music and dancing. I can dress up, put flowers in my hair and feel like a princess. Why would that _not_ put a maiden in a good mood?”

Loki smiled.

“You are more of a maiden than I realised. No, rather more of a child.”

“Well, you could do with being a ilttle more childlike sometimes. You could definitely do with some flowers in your hair to brighten up your mood.”

“Now you truly are being childish, _pet_.”

“Am I now?”

She plucked a small blue flower from a window pot as they walked past, just before she grabbed hold of Loki's forearm to make him halt. Loki stopped, watching with bemusement as she stood on her tiptoes to tuck the tiny flower in his hair. The smile that was on her face was priceless, and he decided right then and there that he would rather make a fool of himself than see it fade. That flower would stay right were she put it.

“There. That's better.”

She beamed proudly. And when he did not make a move to remove the flower, but just looked at her with soft eyes, she spoke softly, so that only he could hear her words.

“Do you really intend to spend all of Litha with me, my dark prince?”

The world disappeared around her when she felt Loki's cool fingers intertwine with hers, and she lost herself in his crystal eyes, as he leaned forward his lips parting to answer her, when somebody cleared their throat.

Loki drew back his hand, and she stepped away from him, feeling her cheeks grow hot.

“Mother.” Loki voice was soft.

“Frigga.” Ailee carefully looked up at her and even though she thought she would earn a disapproving look from the Queen, the priestess found the goddess' eyes soft and full of compassion. “I shall be on my way, so that you and the prince can speak.”

“It is not my son I desire to speak with.”

“It is not?”

She glanced at Loki and saw a shadow of worry pass over his face, before it grew unreadable. He nodded, and muttered a hushed “Mother, Lady Ailara,” before he quietly slipped away.

Ailee could still feel the touch of his fingers on her hands.

“Will you walk with me, Ailee?”

“I have not told Loki anything, as I promised.”

“I know.”

“So, why are you concerned?”

“Why would you think I desire to speak to you about Loki? Is there anything you would like to tell me?”

“I – no. I just thought that maybe you were worried that I had spoken to him.”

“You have grown very close, have you not?”

“We are friends.”

“You call him by his name. No titles.”

_Because he is not a title, he is my friend. My Loki._

“It was not a problem when I was a child. I have known him for such a long time. I _missed_ him.”

Frigga sighed.

“Loki is not who he used to be, and sentiment often blinds us.”

“You sound like Loki.”

The queen of Asgard laughed softly.

“He is my son, is he not? I fear that he may break your heart. You are a priestess and you have taken an oath.”

“We are merely friends.”

“Truly? And does he see it the same way? Loki is infatuated with things that he cannot possess, he knows that you are beyond his reach, and it will encourage him.”

“You are saying that he spends time with me, to -”

“To find a way to win you.”

“That is  _not_ true!”

“I am merely asking that you do not risk what you have. Your feelings may mislead you and may ask you to give up everything for a moment in his arms, and you may wake up to find the one you put your faith in gone.”

“Loki would never – and I would not consider – we would not – I am not in love with Loki!”

“Has the company of the God of Lies already made you lie to yourself?”

Frigga cupped her face.

“Both of you are precious to me. You are like a daughter to me and he is my son. I can see the way he looks at you. He desires more than you are allowed to give. And even if he has good intentions, he will not surrender to this situation forever. I do not wish for him to break your heart, my little Sigyn.”

_Neither do I wish the same fate for him._

The girl's eyes filled with tears when Frigga spoke her true name.

“He is not – he would not – he is better than you give him credit for.”

“I merely fear that he is not ready for this.”

“Then I will wait.”

“Do not give up what you have, and loose everything, my child. Promise me you will not.”

“I will not, that I can promise you.”

 

***

 

“I was surprised to see you leaving the festivities before I could even talk to you.”

“I needed somewhere quiet.”

“You said you were looking forward to the festival – and my company.”

“I - I changed my mind.”

“You are avoiding me?” It was more of a statement than a question.

“Avoiding you is pointless, Loki, since you seem to find me wherever I am.”

Her words were a blow to his heart, and yet, Loki settled next to her on the grassy ground. It did not escape him that Ailee avoided his eyes.

“What did my mother say to you?”

“Nothing.”

“I am the God of Lies, I can tell when you are lying. Apart from that - you _are_ a terrible liar.”

The words were spoken light-hearted, intended to cheer her up, but failed to do so.

“She said nothing that I should not have considered myself.”

Ailee sat up and folded her arms over her knees to place her chin on top of them.

“And what would that be, that you should have considered yourself?”

“She reminded me that I am a priestess, that I have taken a vow and my fate is consecrated to the Goddess and not -”

she broke off, burying her face in her arms.

“Not what?”

“Not the God of Mischief.” She murmured.

“You are doubting me? After all this time?”

“No.”

Loki gently pried her arms apart, so that he could see her face.

“Look at me, sweet one.”

But Ailee only shook her head. His chest contracted painfully.

“Then pray tell, if you are _not_ doubting me, what are you brooding over?”

“We are growing too close, Loki, I do not know what to make of my feelings for you anymore.”

_Neither do I._

Loki leaned forward to gingerly run his fingers up her arm, and her heart leaped. His touch sent prickly waves of anticipation through her entire being.

_Anticipation?_

_She did not even know for what?_

_His touch._

_More of it._

Ailee closed her eyes. It was true. Frigga had been right.

“Frigga said that you desire me in a way that goes beyond friendship.”

“And if I did, would that be so bad?”

His warm breath made her skin tingle, and she felt his fingers gingerly caressing her cheek. When she opened her eyes, his face was right above hers. She could not even remember reclining backwards onto the grass, as his touch consumed her entire attention.

She wanted this. Or _did_ she?

She was a priestess. She had taken a vow. She had stayed untouched for centuries because of it.

_Your feelings may mislead you and may ask you to give up everything for a moment in his arms, and you may wake up to find the one you put your faith in gone._

“No. Yes. I – I --”

Loki leaned in and Ailee gasped when his cool lips touched her collarbone. The girl held her breath, as his lips tenderly roamed over her skin, further down to the hem of her dress. Loki's tongue ran along the neckline of her dress and Ailee gasped when he pressed his lips on the spot between her breasts, his warm breath seeping through the fabric of her dress. One of her hands moved, her fingers threading into his hair, pulling it tight. Loki moaned softly against her.

The noise broke the spell and brought her back, and Ailee exhaled sharply, letting her hand slip from his hair.

“ _Loki_.”

Her voice was shaky, although not in the way Loki had hoped for. He felt her sorrow, her doubt. And he drew back a little, resting his forehead against her collarbone with a heavy sigh.

She smelled so sweet. Her skin was so soft. He had lost himself in her. It seemed that everything about her was one big enchantment.

He should have held back, but he wanted her. He had not even been aware of it until this afternoon, when she tucked that small blue flower in his hair. He had not been aware of how much he desired to hold her, be close to her, closer than they already were.

Somehow this goddess had managed to touch his soul, the only part of him that was still uncorrupted. A seed of light in a sea of darkness. That was why she soothed him, why she made him sane.

“Loki, this cannot happen. I am a priestess. Was your mother right? Is it true, that you desire me, because you know that you cannot have me?”

_What?_

Loki groaned softly.

_No. No. No._

When he did not answer, Ailee's suppressed the sob that attempted to escape her and fought the lump that was growing in her throat.

“Was she right? Is our friendship merely one your lies? One of your tricks?”

_No!_

Loki shook his head, but the words were stuck in his throat.

She had given him something more precious than anything he could ever desire, anything that he thought he deserved, but he had no words to explain it to her.

He felt her chest quiver, and something inside him contracted painfully as he realised she was crying. It had not been his plan to seduce her, to make her question her vow, and especially not to question his intentions.

She was so guileless. So pure. She had never feared him, never doubted him.

“No.” he breathed against her skin.

He pulled back, bracing himself on an elbow to look at her. To his dismay, tears slid from the corners of her eyes down the side of her face and the soft orbs were wide with something Loki had never dared to hope he would see in her eyes.

“What are you afraid of?” He asked softly, already dreading the answer.

“You.” She whispered.

The God closed his eyes.

Darkness wrapped around him like a velvet mantle, choking him like a giant serpent and dragging him down into an endless abyss, as his heart shattered.

“It seems that I proved you wrong then. Darkness can never be with light.”

His words were laced with a deep sadness when he sat up and Ailee wanted to tell him he was wrong. But she could not.

She doubted him.

Or maybe worse, she doubted herself.

She was frozen in the realisation that if this God asked her to be his tonight, she would give herself to him. She would willingly give up _everything_ for him.

This was what truly scared her.

Loki rose without casting her another glance.

“Goodnight, Lady Ailara.”

Ailee brought a hand to her mouth, biting the soft skin to keep her from sobbing loudly, she could not get herself to hold him back.

_Why could she not move to hold him back?_

_She had hurt him._

With a gasp Ailee sat up and turned to where Loki had stood just a moment ago. The spot was empty now. She was completely alone. But there on the ground, were the dark god had stood, lay a tiny blue flower. The same flower she had tucked into his hair this afternoon.

He had kept it there all this time. All day. All evening.

For everyone to see.

Ailee reached out her hand with shaky fingers to pick it up, but as soon as she touched it, it wilted. Shriveling up into a mass of dry shreds.

A cry of pain left her throat, before the priestess buried her face in her arms and wept bitterly.

 

 

"O hell, to choose love by another’s eyes!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Or, if there were a sympathy in choice,

War, death, or sickness did lay siege to it,

making it momentary as a sound, 

swift as a shadow, short as any dream, 

brief as the lightning in the collied night,

That, in a spleen, unfolds both heaven and earth,

and ere a man hath power to say, — _Behold!_

The jaws of darkness do devour it up:

So quick bright things come to confusion."

 

"If then true lovers have been ever crossed,

It stands as an edict in destiny.

Then let us teach our trial patience."

 

_~William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, sorry...


	8. Raging Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go from bad to worse ... sorry... 
> 
> For those of you who need some cheering up while Loki and Sigyn's ways are parting - there is a Christmas Special in the making, featuring Sigyn and her mischievous husband.
> 
> Ps: this story is rated G, but there is sexual content in here. Nothing smutty. And I am planning on keeping this story fairly free of it, although (hopefully for Loki and Sigyn) there may be more in future chapters...

 I know you haven't made your mind up yet  
But I will never do you wrong  
I've known it from the moment that we met  
No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue  
And I'd go crawling down the avenue  
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do  
_To make you feel my love_

_~Bob Dylan, make you feel my love_

 

Everything felt heavy, grey and gloomy. Her body was too tired to move and it was hard to breathe, because her nose was swollen and and her throat choked from the tears she had cried.

_She had done him injustice. She had hurt him. Pushed him away._

Ailee blinked. It was mid morning and the sun was streaming in through the window. She closed her eyes when she felt tears welling up in them again.

_All this time, she had trusted her heart implicitly, what was it that had made her waver?_

_Why had she listened to Frigga's words and doubted Loki's intentions?_

Because Frigga was like a mother to her. She was the only mother she had ever had. And she trusted her.

_"It seems I have proofed you wrong then. Light can never be with darkness."_

Her chest contracted and the tears rolled down her cheeks.

_After everything, all their time together, how could she have doubted him? How could she fear him?_

No, she had not actually feared him, she had feared her own response. Feared to give herself to him. 

_"You may find the one you put your trust in gone."_

She had feared that he would cast her away once he had won his price.

_But why?_

_Had he ever given her reason to doubt him?_

_Had he ever taken advantage of her?_

_Why? Why had she surrendered to her fear?_

It is too late now, Sigyn.

Too late to win him back.

She sat up with a jolt.

_Since when did she surrender to circumstances like a coward? Like a victim who had no choice?_

In an instant, she was on her feet, pulling a dress over her head and slipping on a light coat.

_What was she doing, drowning in self-pity? She needed to give Loki a chance to explain himself and she urgently needed to ask him for forgiveness. Apologise for hurting him._

It hurt more than anything else, the knowledge that she had caused him pain. The disappointment and pain had been so clearly written in his eyes. She had hurt him after he had treated her with such love affection, and concern.

_How could she have been so cruel to him?_

Ailee stepped outside, the warm morning air caressing her skin, as she made her way to the Loki's quarters.

_She would ask him for forgiveness._

_Beg him, if she needed to._

_She loved him with all her heart. All her being._

_She needed to tell him that. She wanted to tell him that._

True, she had been afraid of giving herself to him, but why, by the Norns, she could not understand why she had not trusted him? Trusted that he would not do anything to harm her?

Right now she realised that the prospect of loosing him was much worse than the fear of doing the wrong thing, of betraying her vow and loosing her status as a priestess. She wanted nothing more than to be in his arms. Even if he cast her away afterwards, which he would _not._ Loki would do no such thing to her. And yet, last night she had believed it.

Maybe it was because Frigga's words had tormented her mind all day, spinning tales and she was trying to find proof for Frigga's words in Loki's behaviour, instead of trying to proof her wrong. 

_Oh, Goddess, how foolish I have been._

_I love him. And he - he loves me._

_How was it that she could feel it now so clearly, while last night it had been clouded by doubt?_

“Oh, Loki, what have I done?”

The silence that greeted her when she knocked on his door let her heart sink.

_Was he still asleep?_

Ailee sank down onto the grass. She would wait. Wait for him to either come out, or return from where ever he was.

Her duties could wait. Everything could wait except for the things she needed to tell him.

 

***

 

“I come to seek permission to court a priestess.”

The elder's shared looks before they turned to the dark god who had entered the council building.

“It would be a great honour, Son of Laufey, if you were to unite with a priestess in a Sacred Marriage. We shall ask her to prepare for the night of the festival.”

Loki shook his head.

“You misunderstood my intentions. I apologise for not making them clear.” The dark god cleared his throat. “I did not mean to unite with her for the night of Litha, I mean to  _court_ one of the priestesses.”

“ _Court_ her?”

“Court her to become my future spouse.”

One of them whispered something into another's ear.

“It is not uncommon. The Lady chose this?”

“She –-” Loki broke off and took a deep breath. “I have yet to ask her. I thought it wise to address you first.”

“We can only relieve her of her role, if she is willing to give it up.”

“I am aware, and I will certainly not lay claim on her, if she is unwilling.”

“Very well” one of the older women said, “I shall go and speak with the Lady. You may tell me her name.”

“The Lady Ailara.”

There was a moment of silence, before they started whispering to each other. When one of the elder's addressed him, his face was pale. Loki narrowed his eyes.

“We do not mean to arouse your anger, Son of Laufey, but the Lady Ailara cannot be freed from her duties as a priestess.”

“And why is that?”

“She is of royal blood and she was raised to be given to the new King of Asgard.”

Loki felt like someone had hit him in the stomach with something equivalent to Thor's hammer. He blinked. His gaze trailed off to the side, focusing on empty space for a moment, before he brought it back to the people in front of him. 

“W-what?... What are you saying?”

“She is to be given to King Thor.”

The words ran like a sword through Loki's heart. He gasped, and almost choked on his own words.

“She was raised to be with _Thor_?”

“Unless she has fulfilled her role, she cannot be released from her duty. She is to mother an heir for the house of Odin.”

“Duty? You call this a  _DUTY_?!” Loki roared, hot tears brimming in his eyes. “She does not even know him.”

“The service of a priestess is not about love, prince Loki.”

“You are selling her like a piece of kettle?" The gaze of the god flicked between them, anger and something akin to madness swirling in his eyes. "I thought the Vanir more civilised than the Aesir, but now I can see that you are just as barbaric as them.”

The elders exchanged worried glances. All colour had drained from the dark god's features, making him paler than he already was. His eyes glinted dangerously now and his chest was heaving. There was a glint of red in the dark depths of his pupils and icy waves of cold wrath alternating with burning anger emanated from the dark god.

The Vanir elders wondered if it had been wise to fulfil the Allfather's request. They had not lied to Loki, merely twisted the truth, just as the Allfather had asked them to. Had they tried to lie, the God of Lies would have seen right through it. But as the wrath of the god unfolded in front of them with indescribable intensity, they doubted the wisdom of the Allfather.

And then, instead of lashing out, Loki turned, leaving the cottage without another word. The air around the dark god shimmered with sparks before they turned to snowflakes and whirrled around him. Ice covered the ground Loki walked on, freezing everything that lay in his path as he stalked through the village.

_Thor._

_It was always Thor._

Never before had Loki felt such rage. The only thing that kept him focused, kept him under control, was the fact that Ailee was somewhere in this village, and he had no desire for her to witness the destruction he wished to lay on each and every single one of these people. He felt like eradicating this settlement so that nothing would remain - not even ruins.

_Focus, Loki._

He had to get away as far as he could before he unleashed his anger.

_Take her. Take her with you._

The thought crossed his mind. How strongly he desired to rip her from Thor's grasp.

But she feared him now, and if he took her, she would fear him even more. She would not understand.

There was a storm of emotions raging inside him.

_Why was he so attached to the girl?_

_Had she made him weak?_

“Loki?”

The dark prince barely heard his mother's voice behind him. And he did not to stop.

If he stopped, he would do something he would never forgive himself.

He would hurt them. And Ailee would never forgive him.

He may accidentally hurt _her, and he would never forgive himself._

Loki picked up his pace and started running.

He left the settlement behind him to move towards the forest, leaving behind a trail of ice.

The dark god howled in rage and grief, as he stormed through the forest, waving his hands to open a portal. He needed to get as far away as possible before he broke. Far, far away.

The portal opened and swallowed him a moment later, as the god crossed through it to another realm, where he could safely vent his rage.

Because he could not risk hurting her.

_Still so considerate, Loki._

The bitterness of his thoughts was almost tangible on his tongue.

But he knew Ailee was not to blame and that he would never be able to hurt her. He would never hurt the only being outside his family who had ever looked upon him with sincere, open trust. Who had treated him with kindness. Regarded him as a friend. As Loki. Who had laughed with him. Teased him, without fear ...

_Without fear..._

_No. No more._

_She feared him now._

As the thought of having lost her stabbed his heart the dark god spread his arms and unleashed his pain and anger in an explosion of ice and white fire. His screams mixed with the howling of the raging magic around him, until he sank to his knees, exhausted and defeated.

He sat back on his heels and hung his head.

_Welcome to insanity, God of Chaos. You will never escape me. Welcome home._

Loki threw his head back and sniggered.

Then something rammed into his side with such force that it pushed him to the ground.

 

***

 

A shiver ran through her as the temperature dropped suddenly and Ailee pulled her coat tighter around her. The sound of anxious voices came from a few houses away, and it made her look up.

Curious and alert, she rose to her feet and walked down the path between the cottages and yurts that led to one of the larger lanes, where a group of people had gathered, some of them were muttering nervously. She was too far away to make out what they were talking about but her heart skipped a beat when she heard Loki's name being spoken. Ailee stepped up closer, eyes growing wide as she finally saw what everyone was so flustered about.

There was a path of ice, about 4 metres wide running through the village, partly covering houses and trees. Everything underneath is was blackened. It looked burnt – or rather frozen.

“What? What happened here?”

Her voice quivered a little, uncertain if she was ready and willing to hear the answer.

“It is the doing of the dark prince, we feared he would lay waste to the entire village.”

“W-what?”

“The god was in such rage, we are fortunate to still be alive. I have never experienced magic like this. If he would have unleashed only an iota of it … it would have verily flattened this entire settlement.”

“But I – I do not understand? Is it Loki you are talking about? Why was he angry?”

Her eyes grew wide and she covered her mouth with her hand.

_Had it been her fault? Had she made him angry? She had hurt him -- had she caused this?_

A young sorcerer joined them, addressing the elder she had spoken to.

“They followed the trail and it ended in the forest. There were no traces of the prince.”

_No._

“Has he returned to Asgard?”

“He has not. We contacted the guard of Asgard, and he said that the Son of Laufey has returned to his own realm. Jotunheim.”

_No. No. That could not be._

A warm hand settled on her shoulder, and Ailee did not have to turn to know who belonged to. She knew Frigga's touch. But she could not bring herself to look into the Goddess eyes. She had trusted her, and yet the Allmother had led her to doubt Loki's intentions, had she not?

But then, Ailee herself had chosen to give into her doubts. Doubted him. Hurt him.

_And now he was gone. It was all her fault._

“It is not your fault, child. If anyone is to blame it is I. I had no idea, what my carelessly spoken words would invoke. I never meant you or Loki harm, I am so sorry, Sigyn.”

At hearing her true name, she turned around and Frigga cradled her against her chest to let her cry.

“You lost your friend, and I fear that I lost my son today.”

 

***

 

Something rammed into Loki's side with brutal force, throwing him to the ground, and the god's hands flew up in reflex to defend himself and dug into thick fur. Loki hardly felt the pain as sharp teeth ripped into his neck, while his fingers found the throat of the beast trying to keep it from doing more damage. The large wolf attacked him fiercely, biting and scratching and they rolled on the ground in a deadly embrace. Loki had not expected an attack. He had exhausted himself and was unable to think clearly, and the beast on top of him fought so ferociously, that his hands were too busy keeping it from ripping him to shreds that the god had no chance of conjuring a dagger to kill it. The wolf rolled on top of Loki, sinking its teeth into the god's arm when he put it protectively in front of his neck.

Then, as he met the dangerous beast's eyes, everything stood still.

The animal froze, and so did Loki. He blinked and loosened his grip a little.

“Angrboda?"

A red shimmer ran over the beast's fur as it transformed into the beautiful, grim-looking warrior-goddess.

“Loki?” She whispered hoarsely, his hand was still squeezing her throat.

Loki's hand slipped from her throat and he dug his fingers into her hair to pull her into a fierce kiss, ravishing her mouth with his tongue. She growled approvingly and when their lips parted she ran her mouth down his throat, sinking her teeth playfully into the soft skin where his neck met his shoulder. Loki groaned in both pain and pleasure.

_He needed to forget._

_Forget his feelings._

_Forget Ailee._

_Forget._

“Make me forget, my love, please, make me forget.”

Angrboda came up to meet his eyes, bewildered by both the desperation and the sincerity in his voice. Savage madness reflected in the usually vivid green orbs, and there lay a pain in them that stung her heart. Without a word she ripped the front of his tunic open, placing hot kisses down his chest and began to unlace his pants. Loki moaned. She sank down on him and leaned her body forward, carefully licking the blood off his skin where her sharp wolf-teeth had broken it.

“I have missed this, Loki." She whispered as she moved her body slowly. "Why did you leave me?” 

Loki pulled her closer. They had found solace in each others embrace, many times, when Odin had sent him to the Iron Wood to negotiate with the Chief of the Jotun Clans who lived here. Angrboda's independence, her fierceness had fascinated the dark god. She was wild and beautiful and she understood his hurt and anger.

“I had to go back. But not this time, this time I shall stay.” Loki pulled her into a kiss as if to reassure himself. 

“This time I shall stay. I shall stay with you.” He whispered against her lips.

_God of Lies. I am not foolish enough to take your word for it._

She moaned softly and rested her forehead against his.

_But I love you, and you need to forget, so I shall help you forget._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enter Angrboda ... who is actually pretty amazing. A bit like an amazon warrior. I really enjoy writing her character, because she is loving, independent and strong, and brings out a different side in Loki. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
> Comments and Kudos are always welcome. :)


	9. Weaving the threads of wyrd

I can't light no more of your darkness  
All my pictures seem to fade to black and white  
I'm growing tired and time stands still before me  
Frozen here on the ladder of my life. 

Too late to save myself from falling  
I took a chance and changed your way of life  
But you misread my meaning when I met you  
Closed the door and left me blinded by the light.

I can't find the right romantic line  
But see me once and see the way I feel  
Don't discard me just because you think I mean you harm  
But these cuts I have they need love to help them heal

_Elton John, don't let the sun go down on me_

 

“Odin!? What in the Norn's name have you done!”

A weariness overshadowed the Allfather's features as his wife stepped into the throne room, approaching him with large strides.

“Leave”, he waved off the Einerjar, and they nodded, rather relieved to be dismissed. They feared the Allmother's wrath more than Odin's.

“What exactly are you speaking of, my wife?”

“Loki.”

“And what of him?”

Frigga strode up to the bottom of the steps leading to the throne, and with an undeniably graceful, but unmistakably stern gesture, she pointed to the ground in front of her.

“Do not dare to speak about this while you are sitting up there on that throne.”

She stood tall, head held high, her eyes holding a dangerous glint that Odin was all too wary off. He had dreaded this moment for a while now. Ever since he had seen what he had seen in the threads of wyrd that the Norn's were spinning. The Allfather sighed heavily before he stood and descended the steps to stand in front of his wife. His consort. His love.

“My heart is not beyond wistfulness, Frigga, I too love Loki, but the threads of wyrd weaving his fate are complicated. And fate needs to be fulfilled for peace to descend upon the realms.”

“By using two innocent souls and making them suffer?”

He huffed.

“Loki is not innocent of his crimes.”

“Maybe not of crimes he committed in the past, but innocence is in his nature, otherwise he would never be able to control the magic he owns. He would have never held himself back from destroying that entire village. I watched them together, Odin. He adores her. He loves her.”

“And yet you told her to forget him? Was it not you who planted the seed of doubt in Sigyn's head?”

“So that she would not give in to him, which would have evoked unnecessary complications for them considering the circumstances. And I had hoped that Loki would go to the elders and ask for permission to court her as his future consort.”

Odin led out a breath he did not realise he was holding.

"It would be best to keep that from her."

“You knew he would do it, did you not?”

“They acted on my request, it was I who asked them not to give her to him.”

“You. Did.  _What?_ ” 

Frigga's voice was dangerously low, as she stepped up to him, her green eyes flicking between his own.

“We have both seen it, Odin. They belong to each other. Loki literally summoned her soul to take birth so that they could be together.”

“And how could I have allowed the elders to let him court her? Officially, he is still my son. She is my daughter. It would be equal to allowing siblings to court each other, which might be common practice in Vanaheim, but it is less than appropriate in Asgard."

“As far as I know, the elders told Loki that she belonged to Thor, who _is_ her brother.”

“Simply to give them something to say, they never said that Thor would marry her. Or that the heir they were speaking of was going to be Thor's son.”

“Is that what they said to Loki? That she would bear an heir for the throne? You tricked him with such cruelty? Has that heart of yours turned to stone over the millennia?"

Odin's grey gaze turned unreadable.

_By the Goddess, Loki and Odin were so similar._

"Loki needs to forget her."

"Have you not listened to what I said? Loki loves her.”

"That is exactly why he needs to forget her."

"Are you going insane?"

“You are blinded by your love for them."

"Blinded by love? Is that why I married you, because I was blinded by love? Is this really my husband I am talking to right now?"

"Frigga -”

“I want you to bring him back.”

“That I cannot.”

“If it is about the marriage, we can think of something. Most of the Vanir are aware of Loki's ancestry and they do not care.”

“But the Aesir are not.”

“Then _tell_ them.”

“It would betray their trust to find that a prince of Jotunheim was raised amongst them to marry an Aesir goddess.”

“Always so bent on rules and righeousness. You have been their rightful king. They trust you, no matter what you tell them."

“Loki would suffer from not being accpeted. He is far too proud - too vulnerable.”

“He would be with his consort, his love. She would make up for it. What about Loki? What about Sigyn? Do you not care for their happiness?”

“Loki has yet a role to fulfil in Jotunheim.”

“What have you seen? Where do you get this knowledge from? Mimir? The Norn's? Why do you always desire to control?”

“I desire peace between the realms.”

“At what cost?”

“Any cost.”

“Then pray tell, if you claim him to be your son, who you claim to love, what is the role he has yet to play, that is so important that you send him straight back into insanity?”

“He fathered children with Angrboda, the head of the Iron Wood clans. Loki will claim his role as a prince of Jotunheim, and he will find acceptance in his own realm and – even in ours.”

Frigga shook her head, her eyes brimming with tears and the Allfather wondered if it was tears of anger or grief or compassion. Maybe a mixture of all. She turned around without a word and left the hall.

“Forgive me, Allmother.”

Odin sighed and glanced up at the golden throne, but his heart was too heavy to ascend the steps that led up to it. It would be a relief to pass his power on to Thor soon. But there was much to do still. His son would be a good king, but he would also find that being the Allfather was not always glorious.

It came with much sacrifice. Most of all sacrifice of loved ones.

Odin was grateful that Thor was courting a wise and worthy goddess, who would support him through his trials, just as Frigga had always supported him.

He merely feared that he had finally overstepped the line.

Even the Allfather is not infallible.

 

***

 

They walked back to the village in silence. Once in a while, Angrboda cast the dark prince a sideways glance, as if to see if he was still with her. Not in body, but in spirit. She had seen it in his eyes. The madness. The pain. She had not asked him what had happened. What it was that he wanted to forget. She had simply welcomed him into her arms. Just as she would welcome him into her house and into her village.

Angrboda had loved the dark god from the moment his sparkling, greenish blue eyes had found hers. The pride, the challenge and the poorly hidden desire that his gaze had offered her when they first met. The proud, dark prince of Asgard had come to negotiate a truce between Asgard and the Ironwood Clans - Odin in his cleverness and trickery must have known what affect Loki would have on her, when the Allfather had sent him as an ambassador. And Loki had not even tried to hide his curiosity and desire for her power.

With all the power she held, all the battles she had won, all the giants and gods she had subdued, Angrboda was still a woman with a heart, and the dark god had stolen it.

Angrboda had never known anyone as handsome and full of vibrant life, so incredibly proud and yet filled with such tenderness. She had seen it, in a moment, when Loki thought himself unguarded, the dark god had bent down and used his magic to repair a child's toy. The child had looked up a him full of suspicion, and the dark prince had offered it a brief smile. Not the cold sneers and devious smirks that spoke of pride and arrogance. This one had been so very different. Warm. Tender. Gentle.

The warrior-goddess was captured by this wild and yet tender-hearted god.

Loki had warmed her bed every night. She knew he was drawn to her power. She was the leader of the wolf clan, more than that she was the head of all the clans in the Iron Wood, feared for her level-headedness, her fearlessness and fierceness. Angrboda's heart may have melted for the prince, but she was not foolish enough to cherish illusions. She did not for one moment believe that she could make him stay with her. She could take him to her bed, love him, hold him, feel him, but it was not in her power to tame him or tie him down, because his nature was restless and without peace.

But the time they had spent together was a time Angrboda remembered with great fondness and the gifts Loki had given her, were most precious treasures. She wondered how he would take the news. If he would still wish to stay when he discovered he was a father. Maybe it was best to get it over and done with before they reached her home.

“I gave birth to our children not long ago.”

“I beg your pardon?”

Loki stopped, his gaze focusing as green eyes searched hers.

“I fell pregnant after your last visit. You are a father, Loki.”

“W-what? Why did you not tell me?”

“It was clear to me, that you had no plans of returning to Jotunheim, and it is not my intention to force you into anything. It is not uncommon for mother's to raise their children by themselves in Jotunheim. We are not dependent on men to fulfil our roles. And as for you - your heart lies in Asgard. ”

“Not anymore." The god stared at the ground for a moment, when he raised his eyes they were soft. "Is it true? I have children? ...  _more_ than one?”

Angrboda was relieved to see the sparkle return to his eyes, he seemed to be pleased by the prospect of being a father.

“Three.”

Loki was taken aback.

_Norns, this was a rather shocking surprise - even for the God of Unpredictability._

“They are beautiful and much loved. Healthy and happy little creatures.” She smiled as she allowed her mind to wander to the three little ones, her love for them was inexhaustible and maybe it would be good for them to have their father around. Then a frown crossed her features. “But ... they are magical creatures, infused with both the power of the Iron Wood and your magic. Our magic. Ancient magic.”

“Then it would be wise of you to hide them.” Loki murmured under his breath. 

_I am no more that another stolen relic locked up here until you might have use for me._

The dark god shook his head to disperse the thought.

“Our children are safe. What I am saying is that - they may not meet the standards of Asgardian aesthetics, so please do not judge them when you meet them.”

“What are you saying, Angrboda? They are my _children_. How could I judge them?”

 _Children._ _He had actually fathered children._

The thought made the corners of his mouth curl upwards, and there was a soothing warmth spreading in his chest.

_Maybe, this was his fate. To leave everything behind and return to the realm of his birth._

_Forget Asgard. Forget the little priestess._

His gaze lingered on the warrior in front of him. She had given birth to his children and she loved them, even though she had felt that he himself may never return to them. Angrboda had not asked him what had happened, or the reason for his return. She could have chosen to be bitter, but she was strong. She had accepted him. He had much to learn.

_Maybe he could finally come to terms with his Jotun heritage. Maybe he could finally find a place where he belonged. Find peace._

__He could forget._ _

“Are you truly intending to stay?”

“I have no reason to return to Asgard.”

“Most of our people regard you with distrust, but --”

She broke off and started walking again.

“But?”

“You are a prince of Jotunheim, Son of Laufey, and a worthy consort. If you consider staying, I will offer you this - be my consort and a father to our children and claim your role as one of the leaders of Jotunheim.”

Loki touched her arm to stop her and searched her eyes.

“You would have me?”

“I would always have you, Loki.”

He cupped her cheek with one of his hands, his thumb brushing over her skin. To his dismay, the face that appeared in his broken heart was one with warm hazel eyes and a soft blush on her cheeks.

Loki shook his head.

_Forget._

_Forget her._

“I am honoured and grateful for your offer. I may not be worthy though.”

Angrboda's hand slipped on top of his.

“I wanted you from the first moment I saw you. I know not what happened, but you will always be worthy of me, you will always have a place here, Loki.”

Her words were spoken with a gentleness that astounded the dark god. Loki had been attracted to her fierceness, the raw power she exuded, the beauty that was so different to anything he had seen before. And yet, she was gentle, took care of him, made him feel understood. She understood his anger, his pain, his grief – without judgment or question.

His arms snaked around her body to pull her close, meeting her lips in a needy kiss.

“Then I shall do my best to be a worthy consort.”

He breathed against her lips.

 

***

 

Sigyn's eyes were locked on the purple flower by her bedside. Back when he had given it to her, Loki had enchanted it, so that it would not wither. Nearly three years had passed since then.

Sigblom.

_Victory's blossom._

It had been so befitting that her best friend would give her a flower that related to her name.

Sigyn.

_Victorious friend._

But it seemed that she was unable to live up to her name. Sigyn sighed heavily as she turned her gaze away to stare up at the beautifully carved ceiling.

The royal family of Asgard was visiting Vanaheim today and Sigyn had resolved on telling everyone she was unwell and unable to attend to her duties as a priestess, which included welcoming the guests of honour and offering her blessings to the participants of the peace committee. 

She had not even lied. The fact that she had heard they were meeting in Freyr's Hall for negotiations with the new ambassador from Jotunheim, had made her heart feel sick. The ambassador happened to be a lost prince, Laufey's son, who had finally returned to Jotunheim's ranks after a long absence and she had no desire to see him. No amount of restraining her emotions could keep her heart from shattering again, and she was entirely unsure of how she would react the moment Loki's eyes would meet hers - most likely coloured with disdain and deceit. 

Like most Vanir, Sigyn had been aware of but never seen Loki's true form. It did not matter to her what he was, or where he came from, what blood rushed through his veins. She had only ever seen him as who he was.

He was Loki, no more, no less.

He was her god.

Her existence.

And she could not bear to see regret or pain or disdain or anything really but trust and love in his eyes.

Sigyn knew she was being childish, being selfish, but her heart and soul had belonged to Loki since the moment she found him reading on that rock in Njord's garden.

_The most beautiful god._

She had lost him, yet again.

And this time he was not going to come back to her.

He had a wife. He had children.

In Jotunheim.

He had forgotten her.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this story so thank you for the comments and kudos!! There will be a Sigyn and Loki Christmas one shot up by Sunday hopefully.  
> Wishing you all a peaceful Christmas and happy holidays!


	10. Mischief and Mistletoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have been sick over Christmas, but it was nice to finish the Christmas special of Loki and Sigyn today.

Check out:  
"Mischief and Misteltoe" - a Loki and Sigyn one-shot

Loki and Sigyn are married and the God of Mischief decides to take her on a trip to Midgard ...  
Hope you will enjoy it as much as I did.

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/17158481>

:)


	11. Family Ties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!!!

The slate will soon be clean  
I'll erase the memories  
To start again with somebody new  
Was it all wasted  
All that love?  
I hang my head and I advertise  
A soul for sale or rent  
I have no heart I'm cold inside  
I have no real intent

Save me save me save me  
I can't face this life alone  
Save me save me save me  
Oh I'm naked and I'm far from home

~Queen, save me

***

He loved them.

All three of them.

They were treasures that mended his tattered heart.

He had carried them in his arms when they were babies, slept by their sides and was there as they started to walk and talk. He watched them develop their unique little personalities. His little boy, Fenrir, who shape-shifted from wolf to boy right from when he was a baby, and who never grew tired of playfully wrestling with his father and follow him around everywhere. On many a night, when the logs had burnt down in the fire place, Loki would sit with him and tell him tales of the brave warriors and the fearsome creatures that roamed the realms and beyond. The dark god told him of Nidhöggr, the ancient creature knawing at the roots of Yggdrasil, of the All-mother, of the mortals and the Aesir and the beauty of the Realm Eternal.

Sometimes Fenrir would sit and watch in awe as Loki conjured images out of thin air to illustrate his stories, other times he would shift into his wolf form, curl up in Loki's lap and just listen to his father talk, while Loki ran his fingers through the soft fur. When Fenrir had fallen asleep, his father would gather him up in his arms to take him to his cot, whispering loving words into the child's ear.

Then there was Hel, Loki's beautiful daughter. A delicate, loving and endlessly compassionate child. The ancient magic that pulsed through her veins represented the transient nature of life. It showed very obviously in the way Hel shifted between the form of a beautiful girl and a decaying corpse, sometimes embodying both at once. She was a quiet child with endless patience. When she spoke, she chose her words wisely and there was nothing she would not forgive.

Sometimes when Loki was angry, Hel would come, place her small hand on his arm, and gaze at him with those wide eyes that held the depth of Eternity and the dark god would calm instantly. The girl calmed even her hot-blooded mother with a mere glance. Loki could not deny that Hel made him very proud.

His daughter taught him many things that the god had considered weak and unnecessary, and he was ashamed to admit, things that his mother, Frigga, had tried to teach him. To his shock and surprise, Loki often found himself crying when he held Hel in his arms. The sweet girl would wipe away his tears and tell him that nothing is permanent. Not even pain. Then she would place her hand on his heart and whisper,

"Only this. Only this is true."

Jormungandr was altogether different from his siblings. He hardly ever shifted from his serpent form. When he did, he appeared as either a boy or a girl, or both in the same body. He did not speak, just listened and observed. The serpent seemed entirely content within himself, without the need of verbal interaction, but Loki often felt the cool, smooth scales of his child slithering along his back or curling up against his chest at night, when Jormungandr decided to sneak into his parents bed. It would bring a smile to Loki's lips and his fingers reached out to tenderly stroke the child's sleek body, while the dark god whispered words of love in Jormungandr's ear.

_He loved them._

_All three of them._

_With all his heart._

And he loved his wife, his consort, who had given him shelter and allowed him to forget. After a while, Loki could not even remember what he had so desperately tried to forget. The god ascribed his loss of memory to the magic of the Iron Wood. It was a rare place, drenched with the ancient primordial magic that had existed long before the worlds were created. He could feel it. The velvet darkness that embraced him here, was a darkness that sheltered him like a mother's womb sheltered an unborn child. Even though Loki could not remember the reason why he had left the Realm Eternal, he remembered his life in Asgard, and he learnt to forgive. He met with Thor and Odin to discuss treaties and alliances between Asgard and Jotunheim.

The dark god was content with forgetting the pain of the past.

It did not matter. All that mattered was now.

And now, he had everything he needed.

He had his family.

His children -

and his Angrboda.

 ---

“LOKI?!”

The warrior-goddess stormed through the forest, her heart racing, chest heaving and her insides burning with fury. “I know you are hiding out here somewhere! Show yourself!”

Loki watched with a smirk on his lips as she came closer, her fiery eyes darting around searching for a sign of him. She could feel his presence but was unable to detect him, which angered her even more. To anyone else Angrboda would have looked terrifying, to Loki, the fire that burnt in her eyes was alluring and the heat that he sensed from her body ignited his passion.

“Show yourself, trickster!”

“So eager to have me, wife?” His velvet voice purred into her ear.

Angrboda spun around, only to face the empty forest behind her.

“I am eager - eager to put you in your place!” She growled.

“Hm, now - _that_ sounds rather tempting.”

This time she felt his warm breath against her skin, but when she turned to face him, he was now where to be found.

“Loki, stop behaving like a child!”

Chuckle.

And a light brush against her cheek.

“I do so love seeing you seething with rage. This fire, burns only for me.”

“I am seething, but not _for_ you. Rather about what you have done!”

“The children enjoyed it.” He countered playfully.

“Because only children appreciate a child's prank.”

“You wound me, my love. Jormungandr was very fond of the floral decorations that I adorned the woman's scales with. He even asked me if he could have the same."

"You would not dare to ridicule our child like this!!"

"You must admit the old hag was much more pleasing to the eye after I put those purple and orange flowers on her scales. Anyway, she was far too strict with the children. She literally hissed and spit poison at them."

"Because she is a sorceress from the _Serpent_ Clan!! Yes, she has a temper, but that is no reason to humiliate her like this! It took me one hour to calm her, _and_ the Clan's elders,  _and_ promise them that the floral patterns on her body would disappear by the end of the day. All because my childish husband decides to play a prank on her."

"She was in dire need of some beauty and sweetness."

" _You_ are in dire need of growing up, God of Mischief."

"Hm. I am in dire need, indeed. Your fire does make me eager, wife.”

That was when she felt his lips brushing against her ear and as his breath cascading down her neck. Angrboda could not help but close her eyes. She growled softly. No matter how angry she was with him, it always ended like this. They would tear at each other's clothes and end up a tangled heap on the floor, lost in heated kisses, bites and unbridled passion.

He loved making her angry, because he loved making love to her. And she always fell for it, because she was easily angered and she loved this game of his, even though she would never admit it.

This time, when she felt his lips on her skin, she knew he was there in form, so she reached back, fisted his hair and yanked it roughly. Loki merely moaned in pleasure, before his lips found hers. He grabbed her arms roughly and pushed her up against a tree, trapping her body with his. Angrboda growled in approval, and a short while later, they found themselves on the forest floor, half-dressed, limbs tangled, covered in sweat and a satisfied smile on their lips.

“I hate it when you do that.” Angrboda said as she placed a soft kiss on Loki's chest and allowed her fingers to trace the lean muscles under the soft skin.

“This is what makes it so exhilarating. The hunt. Being hunted down by the most skilled warrior in the Iron Wood.”

She chuckled softly.

“Silver Tongue.”

“I never thought that I would enjoy being hunted just as much as luring the hunter into a trap she cannot escape from.”

Loki's finger stroked her bottom lip as his green eyes searched hers.

“Such power.” He murmured. “Such raw passion. And yet, you submit to me so willingly.”

Angroda's eyes glinted, and for a moment Loki thought she would be angered by his words, but then she pulled herself up to take his bottom lip between her teeth, biting down hard enough to make him hiss, before she sucked it tenderly to sooth the pain.

“You are my consort, Loki, we are equals. You rule me, as I rule you. I am yours as much as you are mine.” She whispered against his lips.

Loki wrapped his arms around her, one hand slowly moving to the nape of her neck. Angrboda moaned softly when he squeezed it and the dark god seized the opportunity to invade her mouth with his tongue and kissed her deeply. When their lips parted, he held her gaze.

“I love you.”

She had given him so much. A home. A family. Most of all she had given him her trust. Angrboda, the mighty sorceress of the Iron Wood, allowed him to rule her. To own her. And Loki allowed her to do the same. Surprisingly, it was rather satisfying to surrender himself to her.

He trusted her. He needed her. He loved her.

“I have to admit that this is rather confusing to me.” He sighed and she laughed softly.

“Because you always fear to loose control.”

“I never wanted your love. I wanted your power, wanted to – taste it.”

“I am aware, my love.” She whispered and brushed a wayward dark lock from his forehead to tuck it behind his ear.

“But I never thougth that I would ...”

“Submit to me?” She teased.

Loki nipped at her lip.

“Brazen witch.”

She chuckled.

"Such a lovely husband I have. So eloquent with tender words."

“I always thought that power was about control. I had to be in control, could not let it slip.”

“Power has two sides, Loki. Most beings rule or submit out of fear, that is why they are afraid to loose control, they see it as an act of weakness." 

“So why do you submit to me so willingly?”

“Because this is not about control, it is about respect. About - love. I respect you, I love you, that is why I surrender to your needs.”

With that she pushed him onto his back and moved up to straddle his hips, tracing his chest with her fingers.

“And that is why you surrender to mine." She leaned down to kiss him.

"There is a feast tonight. We are summoned there and I wish for you to join me, my consort.”

"Your wish is my command."

Feasts in Jotunheim where were quite different to the ones in Asgard. Wild and uninhibited, like the forces of nature that ruled this world. Instincts and passion ruled the giants more than intellect and reason, and yet, while the dark god had thought he would find it appalling, it intrigued him. It was part of him. Something he slowly started to accept. To Loki's astonishment, the giants had a natural kind of respect for each other. Women were independent and strong, there was no need to protect them as they were able to fend for themselves, so the males respected them as equals. Which also meant that there was also no mercy when it came to battle. Giants were ruthless warriors, and after the first battle they were in, Loki understood why his consort was feared. As she stood on the battlefield, her body smeared with blood, eyes glinting with rage and her hair blowing in the breeze, she verily looked like the Goddess of Death.

And yet, he had come to love her. He saw the beauty in her power, and this power also allowed her to accept him the way he was.

Angrboda taught him to see the beauty of a side of him that he felt was an abominable curse. His Jotun side.

And slowly the dark god started to heal.

 

***

 

As for his role in Jotunheim, the dark god had established himself as the consort of the chief of the Iron Wood. He stood by her side in battle and supported her in any way he could. Angrboda was well respected in the realm, which afforded Loki a certain status amongst the giants. While some accepted the dark god as one of their own, the fact that he had been brought up in Asgard and was wearing his Aesir form most of the time, left many of them wary. Asgard and Jotunheim had been enemies for too long, and a prince of Asgard residing in Jotunheim was not welcomed by all. But since Jotun-blood flowed without doubt through his veins, and he was the consort of one of the most respected female warriors in the realm, they tolerated him.

Odin invited him to Asgard more often and even though the Aesir regarded the dark god with distrust, they slowly accepted the fact that a Jotun was walking amongst them in Aesir form. More often now taking his ancestry was used to excuse for Loki's unpredictable nature.

God of Chaos, they called him. The God of unbidden surprises.

Unpredictable. Uncontrollable. Untameable.

 

Loki was no fool, he knew that he had to be vigilant at all times. There was too much deceit and jealousy amongst the giants, and he never fully trusted Odin. But the world of politics and intrigues was one that the God with the Silver Tongue managed with great ease, and he soon found himself an ambassador between the realms. 

Odin often enquired about Angrboda and Loki's life in Jotunheim and the dark prince was wary about telling him too much. Especially about his family. He knew Odin well enough to keep quiet about his offspring and their magic. Frigga was the only one who knew about his children and Loki had sworn her to secrecy. 

 

***

 

Decades passed and Angrboda and Loki's children grew. Fenrir grew stronger every day and developed a rather ravenous appetite that was hard to still. Even though he was still a boy, while wrestling or sporting with his father, Fenrir would often hurt Loki unintentionally. However, Loki never scolded his son. The one thing the dark God wanted his children to feel, was that they were accepted for who and what they were. Unconditionally.

He never wished for them to think of themselves as different - or as monsters. Something that the dark prince himself had been denied.

Jormungandr had grown quite large and was still growing, but he spent most of the time meditating peacefully on a sunny spot outside their small house, which Loki and a few men from the village had built not far from Angrboda's Hall. It was a simple but cosy house that had a living space and two bedrooms - one for Loki and Angrboda, another for the children.

Hel was Loki's darling and whenever he went to Asgard, he would bring back small gifts for her. She was growing into a beautiful young woman, and much to her father's joy, she seemed to love him more every day. The only thing that worried the dark god was, as his children grew, he could also sense their magic become more powerful. They had not yet reached the stage of young adults but their magic was more powerful than that of a full grown sorcerer. And it was ancient magic. A magic that held the power to create as well as to destroy.

He worried about Heimdal's gaze finding the source of the magic, and tried to shield them as best as he could. As long as the three of them were content in their own small world, as long as they could be with their mother and father, he would be able to protect them.

Angrboda loved her children more than her life. While in the beginning she had feared that he would despise them, the warrior was grateful that Loki had accepted them with such sincerity. Despite of Loki being so proud and beautiful, the children had entirely captured his heart. He could be strict and sometimes serious, but Loki never raised his voice or scolded them. Everything he did and said was infused with love, even when he needed to set boundaries, he spoke to them firmly but with patience and wisdom. 

It was beautiful to watch him when he reclined on their bed of furs, all three children curled up around him and he would tell them stories or just lay there lavishing them with affection, whispering sweet words or making them giggle and laugh.

Could it be that the god Angrboda had believed to be restless and unable to take on responsibility, had found a place to settle?

It was a hope that had started growing in her heart, but over time, Angrboda felt Loki grow restless and she did not stop him when he traveled to Asgard more often than necessary. He said that he needed to fulfil his duty as a messenger, but the warrior-goddess knew that part of his heart still had a home in the Realm Eternal.

 

***

 

“He asks about you, maybe you could come and join me next time I go to Asgard?”

Loki's silky voice soothed her. It had been a straining day and the last thing she wanted to do was argue with him, but she would _never_ go to Asgard if she could avoid it. His arm tightened a little around her waist as his body moulded itself against her back, one of his legs sliding in between hers and his soft lips found the skin of her neck. Angrboda sighed.

“Seducing me will not make me agree.”

She exhaled sharply as he nibbled on her skin with his teeth and tongue.

“I thought it worthwhile a try.”

Loki enjoyed the soft laugh his words elicited.

“It is _not_ working, my love.”

“I do wish you could come and meet my mother.”

His lips vibrated against her skin and she shivered. How had he made her so sensitive to his touch? This dark god had a gentleness about him that stood in such stark contrast to the other side of his nature. When they fought together in battle, Loki was ruthless. A deadly predator. When he was with their children or in their bed, he was tender, caring and gentle.

“I have met your mother many times, Loki.”

“Not in the palace. I could show you Asgard. It is beautiful.”

Angrboda turned around in his embrace, she cupped his face with both hands so that she could look into his eyes.

“You keep trying to persuade me, even though you know that I will never go there. Why are you such a child, Loki?”

His glacier eyes glittered in the warm light of the fire as he regarded her, gaze tinged with tristfulness, and Angrboda stroked her thumbs over his cheeks.

“I cannot leave here. You know I cannot go there because I have an obligation towards my people. Many of them still do not understand why you have to entertain your relations with the Aesir. You are Jotun. Jotun blood runs through your veins. We are different. We must stand together. I cannot go to a place where my own children are regarded as monsters, Loki.”

“Not all Aesir are like that.”

“Of course not, your mother and I get along very well, and our relations will blossom in the future I am sure.”

“She would love to see the children.”

Angrboda's eyes hardened.

“Do not tell them about the children.”

Loki evaded his gaze.

“My mother would never mean them harm.”

“No, Frigga would not. But I do not trust the Allfather.”

“I will never tell him about them. I love my children, and I love you, I will never risk loosing them.”

He leaned forward to kiss her, but Angrboda placed her hand on his lips.

“You also _love_ your Aesir family.”

“I do not.”

“God of Lies.”

Loki's eyes darkened with sadness, something she had not seen in them in a long time, and it pained her that she had brought it upon him.

"I am not asking you to choose, Loki. I am asking you to be careful and to protect us. If the Allfather should ever choose to come here and take them -"

His eyes snapped up to hers. 

"He will not."

"Odin sees things that others cannot. Be wary. Do not trust him. Just promise me you will not tell anyone about them. They are still young and cannot yet defend themselves. Please, Loki."

"I promise."

Her fingers tangled in his soft hair as she pulled him close. 

"You are my family, you are my home." He whispered against her lips.

But that night Angrboda had dark dreams and she woke with a foreboding feeling in the pit of her stomach that stayed with her all day.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that!! It is easy to imagine Loki as a caring father and I really enjoyed writing about his children. Unfortunately (myth) Loki has a lot of drama in his life when it comes to family.
> 
> Thanks for leaving Kudos and know that comments are always welcome.


	12. Darkness falls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So sorry that it took ages for an update!!!!  
> Somehow I got hijacked by my muse for "The Devil inside" and it's taken a while to finish this chapter. 
> 
> The next one is in the making so won't be too far away. 
> 
> And it will be a brighter than this one, I promise.

_Is this the real life?_  
_Is this just fantasy?_  
_Caught in a landslide_  
_No escape from reality_

 _Too late, my time has come_  
_Sends shivers down my spine_  
_Body's aching all the time_  
_Goodbye everybody I've got to go_  
_Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth_  
_Mama, oh oh (anyway the wind blows)_  
_I don't want to die_  
_Sometimes wish I'd never been born at all_

_~Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody_

 

And while the dark god was drawn more and more to Asgard, often staying there for weeks, Loki also missed his children and his wife. It was Frigga he confided in, when his mind and heart were heavy with concern and his mother attempted to soothe him as good as she could.

One night, after Odin and he had worked on contracts and treaties for Vanaheim and Alfheim for many hours, the Allfather poured Loki a strong wine, not the usual mead that he could handle quite well. This liquor seemed to make him overly relaxed and loosened his tongue more than he preferred in the Allfather's presence.

The dark god put a hand over his chalice when Odin attempted to refill it.

“I should go and see mother.”

“Why not tell me what weighs on your heart, son? You share so much with your mother, do you not think that it bothers me, when I see you grow more restless and heavy each day?”

“I miss my wife.”

“Is that it? If you need to find relief, I am sure any goddess in the palace would be happy to receive you.”

“ _T_ _hat_ is not what I miss.”

“You truly are fond of her. Do you love her?”

“She has been nothing but good to me. Is it not my duty as a husband to love and honour her accordingly?”

“Such honourable words from the God of Mischief. Who would have thought that the Witch of the Ironwood would be able to capture your heart?”

Loki's eyes snapped up at Odin's words.

“Don't you dare speak of her with disrespect. She is a brave, fearless, and compassionate woman. She took me in without questioning my reasons for appearing in Jotunheim. She loves me and I will not have her insulted by you.”

“She must be a truly remarkable wife.”

“She is.”

Odin poured him more wine and in his anger Loki emptied the cup without thinking. His head started to humm slightly.

“I should go.”

“Tell me more about her, my son. I wish to know about your life in Jotunheim and the woman who has captured your heart.”

Loki closed his eyes. There it was again. A small tweak in his chest at the Allfather's words. His heart. It pained him.

“I am asking you as a father, not a king, Loki.”

“She – Angrboda – she is beautiful. I have never experienced a Goddess as strong, independent – and ruthless.”

“Yes, she is powerful. I knew you would like her and that she would help you forget why you ran away.”

“What – are you saying?”

“I am thankful that Angrboda mended your broken heart. She gave you something most precious, but it will be time soon to let go and return to Asgard, don't you feel it?”

Loki shook his head.

“No, I will not let her down.”

“She has been by herself for ages. She is independent and strong. She will be fine. I can see that she is not who your heart yearns for.”

The dark god shook his head and gasped as his chest tightened painfully.

“What is this?" Loki placed a hand on his heart. "What are you doing to me?”

“I am simply reminding you of what you have allowed yourself to forget.”

“I do not wish to remember.”

Odin sighed and poured him more wine.

Loki eyed him warily, then he rose to his feet, but Odin placed a hand on his arm.

“Stay, son.”

How Loki hated the effect that the wine had on him, it muddled his senses, most of all his mind, it made him docile and compliant.

“Stay, and tell me about your children.”

Odin watched the dark god's eyes widen in shock, so he offered him a fatherly smile.

“Of course, I know about them. No matter what magic you use to hide them, I have seen them in the threads of fate.”

Loki sank back onto his chair.

“I miss them.”

And even though he knew that he should not say anything, he was unable to stop his tongue. He missed them so badly, so poured his heart out to Odin.

And Odin listened. Intently.

***  


When Loki awoke the next morning, with a terrible headache, it took him a while to find his balance. He spent a few more hours in bed after he had been to see Eir to mix him a potion. The healer seemed concerned about his state, as she had never seen Loki affected by liquor in such a way, and the suspicion grew in Loki that the wine had been enchanted.

The conversation of last night came back to his mind and filled him with dread. He should not have told Odin. He had promised Angrboda. But then, he missed them and Odin already knew about them and had not done anything so far to harm them.

It was Frigga who urged him to return to Jotunheim, after he had told her about his conversation with Odin. The concern that filled her eyes made Loki's heart uneasy.

***

Loki took one of the secret routes from Asgard to Jotunheim and came out about two miles from Angrboda's village. The grey trees looked even more uncanny than usual and a deadly silence filled the woods. The dark god knew something was wrong when he smelled burnt flesh as he neared his home.

The prince quickened his pace, running by the time he reached their small, cosy house that was located at the edge of the village, and his eyes widened in horror when he only found blackened, smoking ruins where their home once stood.

No.

NO. NO. NO.

No, this could not be.

“Angrboda?!” Loki screamed. “Hel? Fenrir? Jo?”

Silence.

He panicked as he stumbled over one of the burnt bodies of wolf-clan guards that lay scattered on the ground around the house.

No, no, no.

“HEL? FEN? JO? ANGE?”

Still no answer.

The burnt ground crunched under Loki's feet as he entered the house, frantically looking around for bodies. No bodies in the living area. The kitchen was empty too. It was when he came to what had once been their bedroom that she saw her. Kneeling on the ground, looking utterly defeated.

“Angrboda!” Loki rushed forward, but she rose a hand to stop him, and he halted.

“What happened here?”

When she raised her eyes to meet his, the dark prince's heart cracked. They were so full of unspeakable grief - and anger.

“Your father.” she spat.

“Laufey?”

Angrboda threw her head back, an uncanny hollow laugh rising from her throat.

“Laufey? Is that what you still think? That Jotuns are the monsters, prince of _Asgard_?”

His heart raced. His mind struggled to understand. And here he had always thought himself a swift thinker. Then everything fell into place.

“Odin.”

The word left his lips with a heavy breath.

“Yes. _Odin_.”

All strength drained from Loki's limbs and he sniggered, as he started to piece the puzzle together.

The wine. The kind fatherly talk. All to find out about his family. His children. Find out _where_ he was hiding them.

"Where did he take them?”

“I should be asking you that. It was you who betrayed them. Did the Allfather not let you in on his plans on what he would do to them once he got his hands on them?”

Loki's heart shattered. 

“Angrboda, I had no idea.”

“You promised me. Promised you would never tell him.”

“He is my father! How would I have known, I missed you all so much. I --”

“He  _took_ them, Loki. He took them away. They were scared and I could do nothing to help them. Three of them held me down while I watched as they took away my children.” Tears ran down her face, as her voice and eyes were filled with grief and rage.

“Monsters, they called them. Your so-called gods called my babies _monsters_. They killed the guards and burnt the house, and all I could do was watch as they dragged them off, before they punched me unconscious.”

Her words tore an open wound into Loki's chest, and he felt his eyes overflowing with tears.

“I am so sorry, I would have never, – I had no idea that he would ...”

“Leave.” Angrboda's voice was cold. 

“What?”

“Leave here.”

“But – this - this is my home.”

“Not anymore, prince of Asgard.”

Angrboda turned away from him and Loki stood there beside her for a while.

Shocked. Shattered. And abandoned.

There was no rage that burnt inside him. Just a cold, empty darkness.

He felt his knees give way, so he gathered the last of his pride and left their home without another word.

Loki mindlessly wandered the forest, attempting to make sense of it all. To find a string of hope that would keep him from falling deeper into the bottomless abyss that threatened to swallow him.

He had lost everyone he loved. His children. His wife.

He had lost his home.

By the hand of a man, he had trusted. Called father, even.

Was he cursed?

Or was love the curse?

He laughed, as he felt insanity slowly seeping into his mind.

He knew he should go and confront Odin, but he had no strength left inside him. He was pathetic.

Loki took a deep breath and pressed his hands against his eyes. Think. Think.

He needed to go to Asgard and bring his children back.

A small flame of hope stirred in his chest.

He neede to ...

“Traitor.”

Loki let his hands fall from his face and raised his gaze to find himself surrounded by wolves. In his haze he had not even heard them creep up on him. In an instant his mind became clear. The wolves transformed into men and Loki recognised some of them as those who had only accepted him because of Angrboda. He forced his voice to be calm and his expression to be collected as he spoke.

“You are calling me a _traitor_?”

He watched with satisfaction as one of the younger ones averted his eyes at the ice in his tone.

“I was there. I heard the Allfather say it. That you did it for Asgard.”

“ _What_?”

“Peace treaties. Nothing but lies. Is this not what they call you? The God of Lies? The Allfather thinks that he can come here, kill our people and steal our children? If he wants peace, we demanded a sacrifice for a sacrifice.”

“Steal y _our_ children?”

In an instant Loki felt the rage surge through him.

“Enough talking.” one of them said, and before Loki could react, he felt a dull pain in his head and the world disappeared into darkness.

***  


He floated in the darkness for a while.

When he slowly opened his eyes, he felt hard rock digging into the flesh of his back and up above him was the ceiling of a dimly lit cave. Loki tried to move, but found himself unable to, as his body was bound to the rock underneath with chains that were so tight, he almost could not breathe.

He closed his eyes and summoned his seidr.

Without success.

He tried again.

Nothing happened.

Magical fetters. The chains must be draining his magic.

The dark god sighed.

Was this it? Was this how he was going to end? Chained to a rock in a cave?

Was this the punishment for betraying his children? 

Tears trickled from the corners of his eyes.

Did he deserve it?

If he did he prayed to the Norns that his children would forgive him. And maybe even his wife would find it in her heart one day to forgive that he had broken his promise.

He loved her. He loved them. Was love not worth anything?

He thought his heart had shattered by now, but it could not be. Because there was still pain. So much pain.

The darkness became his comfort, as he drifted in and out of consciousness, slowly waning away without food or drink. It felt as if an eternity had passed every time he opened his eyes. 

In the beginning he had wondered how long it would take him to starve to death. But it seemed as though some wicked magic let him wither slowly, yet sustained him enough to not allow him to die.

It was like a never-ending nightmare, and eventually, Loki surrendered to the darkness. He let himself drift into dreams, dwelled in memories of his children, hearing their laughter, feeling their small bodies against his. And soon he could not tell anymore what was dream and what was reality. Was he really chained onto a rock in a cave? Or was this the dream?

The thirst that parched his throat and the hunger that pinched his stomach brought him back to reality once in a while. Such burning pain. The only thing that gave him comfort was to retreat into the darkness. He grew weaker and he could feel his consciousness fade.

Then the dream shifted.

Thor's face appeared before him. His eyes wide with sorrow.

“Brother.”

Thor was concerned about him?

Loki attempted to smile. This was a ridiculous dream.

Then a sharp pain shot through his body as the chains, that had rubbed his flesh raw in some places, were torn. Loki screamed, but no sound escaped his throat.

The last thing he remembered was more pain and being lifted up by strong arms, before he sank back into the darkness.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the mythological figure of Loki. He is the Shakespearean hero who falls victim to circumstances and suffers a great deal of emotional pain - Loki actually looses all his five children at the hands of the gods. And yet he is also the jester, the cunning magician and trickster, who can turn the most tragic circumstances into something good. Who values humour and laughter as a source of life. That's his way of showing us how to accept and overcome grief and pain.
> 
> He portrays a god who embodies pretty much everything and who often walks the fine line between sanity and madness. I love that about him.


	13. Light in the dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally!!! Sorry it took so long!! :)

_Amazing grace how sweet the sound_  
_That saved a wretch like me._  
_I once was lost but now I'm found._  
_Was blind but now I see._

_John Newton, amazing grace_

 

The darkness lifted.

Slowly.

Slowly, Loki noticed that the world around him felt different.

The ground underneath him did not dig painfully into his back anymore. It was soft. Like silk.

And while his mouth was still dry, he did not feel the burning thirst anymore.

Nor did hunger pinch his stomach.

Or weakness drain his limbs.

And yet his consciousness only emerged out of the darkness for short periods of time and dark god was uncertain if these moments were merely dreams or hallucinations of his twisted mind.

More than one time he woke to find a beautiful goddess with golden hair asleep at his side.

She was seated on a chair by his bed, but she had fallen asleep leaning forward on the bed close to him, resting her head on her arms.

Loki watched her for as long as he was able to stay conscious.

Studied her sleeping face.

He was sure that she was the most beautiful being he had ever encountered.

She was like nectar to him and the dark god greedily drank her beauty.

Her presence seemed to mend something inside him.

Stirred something inside his chest that he was unable to comprehend.

She always offered him light, that was worth returning to when he sank back into the darkness. 

It would be weeks before the dark god would finally regain his full consciounsess.

***

After finding his younger brother in a cave in Jotunheim, bound by magical chains and left to whither away, Thor returned to Asgard with Loki, taking him straight to the Healing Quarters to see Eir.

The dark god was neither alive nor dead due to the magic that was spun like a web around him, as the magic kept him just alive enough to survive, but too weak to live.

As soon as he found him the God of Thunder could tell that Loki was under spell, as no god, not even a Jotun, would have been able to survive this long without food or drink. Just over a decade had passed since Odin had returned to Asgard with the monstrous magical creatures from Jotunheim and Loki had disappeared.

Later, after Odin had already cast Hel down to Niflheim, when Fenrir had been bound on a small Island off the shore of the city, and Jormungandr had been cast into the Midgardian ocean - Thor had learnt the truth about those magical beings. That they were Loki's children.

The offspring he had fathered with the giantess Angrboda.

The Thunderer had been told that the trickster god had disappeared after betraying his wife and his Jotun heritage, but he never ceased to look for him.

It was Angrboda who faced him full of hatred and fury, when Thor came to the Iron Wood in search of Loki - and Thor was wise enough not to fight a mother who had lost her children at the hand of the gods. The giantess claimed that she had no knowledge of Loki's whereabouts, and that she did not care where the trickster was or what fate had befallen him.

It was when she claimed that Loki had betrayed their family, their _children,_ and that no father who did so deserved forgiveness, that Thor understood what Odin had done.

And that he himself had been assisting in it. Odin had claimed that those _monsters_  were too powerful to control and they had their destiny to fulfil. That they were of an ancient magic that came from beyond the realm of Time. 

When he faced Loki's wife, Thor also knew that no matter how much spite laced her words when she spoke of her husband, she still loved him. And this was confirmed when she sought him out years later, telling him of a myth that made its rounds in Jotunheim. The myth of a bound god who lay in a cave under a mountain, restrained by magical shackles.

Although she never spoke the words, her eyes pleaded Thor to go and find Loki. Angrboda could not go, as her love for the treacherous Aesir prince would be equal to betraying her people, but the giantess also could not bear the thought of Loki's suffering.  

So Thor set out with the Warriors Three to bring his brother home.

***

Loki's eyes fluttered open. He groaned as the unaccustomed brightness touched his sensitive eyes. The god glanced around, finding himself in the Healing Quarters of Asgard.

He leaned back agaisnt the pillows and swallowed hard.

So, it had not been a dream. He was really here.

But that also meant that – everything else had not been a dream either.

His children were gone.

His wife had cast him out of their home.

Out of her life.

A tear rolled down his cheek.

“My prince, you are awake.” Loki blinked and looked up as Eir approached his bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Stiff. Hungry. Overall terrible. But other than that – more like myself again.”

He was slightly shocked at the croaking sound that came from his lips, that used to be a smooth and velvet voice.

“You gave us a fright, Loki.” Eir offered him a benevolent smile.

“Did I? Is Odin not glad to be finally rid of me?”

The goddess cupped his cheek tenderly and Loki closed his eyes. Eir had known him since Odin had brought him back to Asgard as a babe. She had looked after him like a mother, taught him many secrets about healing potions, and had always showered him with affection. 

Her touch was soothing his soul.

“I regret what Odin did. And I could say many a thing to justify his actions, and yet, it would never be able to heal the pain inside your heart – I am aware of that. Please, try to forgive him, Loki. Not for his sake, but for your own. Resentment will only poison your heart.”

“You are asking a lot from me, Eir. I fear I do not have the willingness to forgive what he did.”

“You will find it.”

Loki allowed her to draw his head against her chest and rested it there. Feeling her fingers combing through his hair felt incredibly comforting. He missed his mother. 

"I should go and see mother."

Eir sighed and patted his back.

“I think you should go and see your brother, the King.”

“The _King_?”

“Odin crowned Thor shortly after he came back from Jotunheim. He and Frigga have withdrawn to the Islands to spend the rest of their days there."

"She is gone?"

"From the palace. But you will be able to go and see her. Frigga has worried much about you, Loki."

"Thor - is King? How long - how long have I been bound in that cave?"

"A little longer than a decade."

He nodded.

"Thor is King now?"

To his surprise, he felt no jealousy. 

"Thor did not know about your children, Loki. He means well and loves you as a brother should. He merely wishes for you to find happiness.”

Loki looked at the Goddess and laughed softly.

“I fear that is the one thing I will never find, Eir. The Norns are playing a wicked game with me, and they are enjoying it far too much.”

***

Loki found Thor in the Great Hall, taking the midday meal with his friends.

As the tall dark god entered the room, the hall fell silent. Only when Thor rose to his feet with a smile on his face, a low murmur started.

Loki ignored it.

He had no more spite to give.

No more hatred to spend.

There was nothing left inside him but emptiness.

He was tired.

Whatever Thor would offer, he would accept.

“Brother!” Thor hugged him tightly and Loki hesitantly brought his arms up to place them on Thor's. “I feared you dead when we found you. Eir has verily worked her magic on you.”

The golden-haired god pulled away and offered Loki a bright smile.

“What is it you expect from me for saving my life?” Loki asked dryly.

“What do you mean?” A frown settled over Thor's forehead.

“You saved me. I owe you my life. There must be a reason why you did it. Name your price and I shall do my best to return the favour.”

Thor glanced at Loki as though his younger brother had lost his mind.

Loki's gaze worried Thor. It was dull and without sparkle.

“You are my brother, Loki. My family.”

“I have no family.” Loki whispered and the words broke the God of Thunder's heart.

“I understand if you blame me for ...”

“I do not. I merely know that I am not welcome here, and I have no home to return to. I have nothing. That means I also have nothing to loose. Whatever it is you want from me, just take it.”

Thor placed a hand on Loki's shoulder and shook his head.

“Loki, brother, this is your home. You will always be welcome  _here_.”

Loki merely stared at him blankly.

“You look weary, have a bath and take rest. I asked the maids to look after your room and keep it ready for when you wake.”

Thor gave him a brotherly pat on the shoulder and pulled him into another hug.

“It's good to have you back. I missed you.”

The dark god nodded quietly.

When he turned to leave, Loki's glance fell on a young Goddess who was seated in a chair next to Thor's empty seat. She was beautiful, her wavy hair flowing over her shoulders like liquid gold, her dress was decked with jewels that made her sparkle like the sun.

She had her eyes cast down, staring at the floor.

_Well, it looks like Thor found himself a worthy wife. Shining and beautiful. A worthy wife for the new King of Asgard._

Something twisted in Loki's gut as he turned without paying his respects to the young queen.

It did not matter, he was known to be disrespectful.

He did not care.

He did not want to care anymore. 

***

“So, you found yourself a worthy wife then?”

“What?”

Thor looked up from the papers on the desk in front of him to gaze at his brother, who was standing by the large doors leading out onto the balcony. Gaze lost in the distance.

“Ah, yes, Sif and I are to be wed at the end of winter.”

Thor's tone was cheerful.

“ _Sif?_ ”

Loki turned to look at Thor.

“Yes, after all those years, I finally found reason. I admitted my own stupidity in ignoring her all this time. We will tie the knot. Finally.”

Loki frowned, before he returned to staring out of the window.

“Oh. I thought - well, never mind.”

“You thought what, brother?”

“The Goddess who sat at your side the day I woke, I assumed she must be your wife since she sat in the spot reserved for your dearest.”

Thor laughed and Loki cocked an eyebrow.

“She is beautiful, is she not?”

The Thunder said and the dark god scoffed.

“Radiant like the sun. Full of Light. Of course _you_  would call that beautiful.”

“Do you fancy her, brother?”

Loki shot him a dark glance.

“Do you truly believe I fancy a Goddess who looks just like you, you oaf?” Thor smiled with relief as he saw a spark of annoyance in Loki's eyes. “There is hardly anything attractive about her.” Loki continued and Thor's smile widened. “She is far too fair-skinned, golden-haired, and radiant … full of  _beauty ... and splendour_.”

It should have come out sarcastically, but somehow the last words held more reverence than sarcasm.

Loki turned his back to Thor, trying to hide his feelings from his brother's prying eyes. He felt unsure why he was overcome with feelings for this goddess.

But then, he had an eye for beauty. But he realised he found her _more_ than merely attractive or beautiful.

Loki closed his eyes and rubbed his hands over his face.

_Was she the goddess he had seen in his dreams?_

_Or had she been real? Had she been sleeping by his bedside? Had she been watching over him?_

“You fancy my sister, Loki. There is no shame in admitting it!”

Thor had risen and walked over to where Loki stood. He patted the dark god's shoulder a little harder than intended, which made Loki stumble forward slightly.

_Sister?_

“Your - your sister?”

“She is quite stunning is she not?”

Loki just stared at him.

“How? When? … _What_?!”

Loki felt a slightly depraved as he stumbled for words.

_Sister?! He had been in this family for over a thousand years. There had never been talk of a - sister!_

“Oh, it is a long story, although I think you would have met her at least on one occasion on your travels to Vanaheim.

Mother brought her to the palace when she was still a little girl, but I can hardly remember her. We were never told that she was our sister, because she was to be raised in Vanaheim - as a priestess. According to some Vanic prophecy she has a special role to play in bringing peace to the realms. Apparently some giant folk did not like that idea, and after they attempted to kidnap her when she was still a babe, Odin brought her to Asgard to keep watch over her. She lived with Njord until she was old enough to move back to Vanaheim.”

Thor's words blurred as a vage memory flitted through Loki's mind like a ghost.

The dark prince shut his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He shuddered as the girl's face appeared before him.

A small girl, playing on the beach, collecting sea shells.

His heart contracted painfully.

He had completely forgotten about her.

“ _Sigyn_.”

“Yes, Sigyn or Sigrun, the Goddess of Light and Victory. Mysister, well, half-sister that is. One of father's daughter's with a Vanic Goddess. Her identity has been kept as a secret – wait – you _know_ her?”

Loki's eyes widened slightly as realisation dawned on him.

“ _Vanaheim_?”

By now Loki was feeling like an idiot as his active vocabulary seemed to be reduced to one-word utterings. But at least he finally connected the pieces.

“Brother, you look as though you have seen a ghost. Unless of course I have sprouted two heads, which could also be reason for you to look so utterly shocked.”

Loki closed his mouth in an attempt to regain his composure.

“So, you _remember_ her?”

The dark prince said nothing and simply nodded.

What was the use of opening his mouth if he was unable to form coherent sentences anyway?

His mind was bombarded with memories, while at the same time emotions surged through him like a roaring river. In a few short moments, he remembered it all.

Everthing.

The girl. The child that had stolen his heart, and who he had forcefully pushed into the background of his mind. The priestess, that he had so desperately tried to forget by coming to the Iron Wood.

Ailee - no, _Sigyn_.

His heart twisted painfully.

He felt sick.

That was why he had thought her _familiar_. He knew he had seen her before.

“Loki?”

For a moment Thor wondered if he should be concerned. Words always seemed to come easily to the trickster with the silver tongue, and it was entirely out of character for Loki to look so shocked. And not to speak a single word.

“I have not seen her since the day I awoke. Does she not reside in the palace?”

Loki tried to sound mildly uninterested as he placed the question.

_Two coherent sentences. That was a start._

The new King of Asgard relaxed.

“She does not. Reside here.”

“I see.”

The dark prince said, pretending not to be interested, while he was dying to know where she lived.

“Loki, you cannot fool me.” Thor chuckled.

“What?” Loki glared at him.

“You are dying to know more about her. Come, brother, let us get a drink, I shall tell you what I know.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter should be up very soon!! Promise


	14. Salvation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you, who have been reading and loving this story!  
> This was the original ending, although there have been chapters popping into my mind randomly of Loki and Sigyn's life and marriage, so I will see how this develops. :)
> 
> I love them both so much!!

There's just no rhyme or reason  
Only a sense of completion  
And in your eyes, I see the missing pieces  
I'm searching for, I think I've found my way home  
I knew I loved you before I met you  
I think I dreamed you into life  
I knew I loved you before I met you  
I have been waiting all my life

~Savage Garden, I knew I loved you

  
Njord caught the God of Mischief staring out of the window again and a smug smile lifted the god's weathered features.

“She has grown to be quite beautiful, has she not?”

Loki forced his eyes away, feigning innocence, and cleared his throat.

“Who?”

The look on Njord's face clearly showed that he could see right through him, so the dark god decided to address the object of his visit openly.

“Why is she here, with you, if she is one of Odin's daughters?”

“She did not wish to live in the palace.”

Loki chuckled softly.

“Yes, I can relate to that.”

“Since she grew up here, it was her wish to stay with me. You took quite a liking to her when she was but a small child.”

Loki's eyes narrowed before they closed, it did not take long to find those memories. Those fond moments he had shared with her. He had revisited them often, since his talk with Thor the day before.

Memories of the small, skinny girl with the large, kind eyes.

So shy and so very curious.

Instinctively, the corners of his mouth lifted at the memory of her.

Their first meeting, when he had come to Njord's hall to deliver some contracts on Odin's behalf, and while waiting in one of the indoor gardens, he had made the acquaintance of this curious, little creature.

And she had stolen his heart with her shyness.

Enchanted him beyond his understanding with her innocence.

Loki had returned to Njord's hall countless times after that – always under the guise of “business” - merely to be in her presence. To be in the company of this sweet and guileless being.

She even made him wear a flower crown once … or twice _… well, maybe even more often than that._

The dark prince's smile widened at the memory, but it faded quickly when he remembered the same girl putting a flower in his hair centuries later and stealing his heart again.

“I – I do rememberher.”

“And you were quite fond of her.”

“She was but a child.”

“Who had captured your heart nonetheless.”

Loki's gaze wandered out the window again.

“I never meant her harm.”

“No, I could see that you love her.”

The dark god was thrown off by Njord's words and he did not turn to face him but kept his eyes on the girl outside, who was feeding the seabirds.

“Where – what – what happened to her? She was gone one day when I came to see her.”

Njord hummed.

“I wondered why you never asked about her. She was heartbroken that she never got to bid you farewell.”

Loki frowned and looked down at his hands.

“I did not mean to mislead anyone about my intentions. They were of innocent nature, but who would have believed the God of Lies? When I found her gone, I thought to better leave it that way. After all, she was a child and I a grown up prince.”

Loki laughed softly, bitterness and regret lacing his voice.

He should have asked. Should have enquired about her.

Instead he had banned her from his heart and eventually his memory.

Too many nights he had spent sleepless, indulging in memories of her sweet company. Missing her beyond his comprehension.

The tinkling giggles, the carefree laughter, her soft smile.

How could he have given his heart to a mere child?

Loki found the right potion, combined it with the right spell and erased his memories fo her. Erased her existence from his mind. 

And his life.

But life just seemed to have lost its magic after that and the God of Mischief seemed to have lost his innocent nature.

His pranks became more malicious and were less frequently meant to make others laugh.

He became jealous of Thor and grew unsatisfied with what he the role he had to play.

Something was missing and he desperately tried to replace it with something else.

“Sigyn was sent to Vanaheim, after her first moon-blood, to be instructed as a priestess.”

Loki kept his eyes on her as he listened to Njord.

“She had always been convinced that she was going to marry you one day, when she was older.”

“We are foolish when we are young.”

The dark god huffed, but his heart warmed, charmed by her sweetness.

“A child's heart can often see the truth.”

“She is _Odin's_ daughter, Njord. How would he ever allow it?”

“One of his favourite daughters as far as I remember. It pained him hat he could not keep her in the palace, but it was safer for her here. I guess this was the best way to protect her.”

“Protect her?”

“From those who would not have agreed to the union.”

“The union?” Loki's eyes widened slightly as he remembered the elder's words.

Ailee was promised to Thor – her brother.

“When they brought her back to Asgard, did they – was she given to - ?”

Loki could not bring himself to put it into words, even the thought of it made him feel sick.

“She was given back to the house of Odin as his daughter – and Thor's sister. _Not_ his lover, if that is what you are concerned about.”

Njord gave Loki a fatherly pat on the shoulder.

“You misjudge the Allfather, Loki. Like the rest of her, Sigyn's heart is innocent and pure, and it belonged to the one she loves long before she was born. Odin consulted the Norns at her birth and he could see clearly who she was born to be with, but fate does not always enfold in a straight line, it is twisted, interwoven like the threads of a fine tapestry. Sigyn needed protection from those amongst the Aesir, who would not have agreed of a union with a prince of Jotunheim.”

Finally Loki turned to face the God of Seafare, a shocked expression painting his features.

“What --?”

“Raising her as your sister would have complicated things on top of that. She was taken away from her Aesir family so that she could fulfill her fate and eventually become your wife.”

Loki felt the colour drain from his face.

Then the shock gave way to sadness.

Tears gathered in the dark princes eyes.

He expected to feel furious about what he had just learned, but all he felt was grief.

Sigyn, this beautiful, innocent creature, had been used by Odin like a pawn – just as Odin had used him.

Loki thought he had come to terms with Odin's lies, but this surpassed even his wildest imagination.

And he finally understood. The Allfather had tricked him. The Vanic elders had _lied_ to him so that he would run straight into Angrboda's arms, thus strengthening his role in Jotunheim. Raising their children. Jormungard, Hel and Fenrir. Those powerful magical beings.

Odin must have known. Must have seen it. He must have wanted them.

But as much as he wanted to hate Odin, Loki realised that he would have never had the fortune to meet or raise his children - to bask in their love and offer them his own love, had Odin not tricked him.

Moreover, and much to his disgust, Loki knew that he had willingly played into Odin's plans, because he was rash, emotional and impulsive.

Yes, he loved Angrboda, but had he not used her just the same? Used her to forget Sigyn.

Loki had never intended to stay in Jotunheim, and yet she had welcomed him. 

Angrboda had been clever enough to see that. Know that he would eventually return to Asgard.

Loki closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the palm of his hand.

Who was he to blame Odin?

He deserved to be treated like this.

He had used others for his own purposes just like Odin had.

But - _Sigyn_.

No, Sigyn, did not deserve to be treated like this.

She deserved to live a happy life.

Loki pinched the bridge of his nose and a tear traveled down his cheek.

He had willingly banned her from his own life for centuries. He was a god of chaos, how could he offer her happiness?

When Njord spoke it was softly, his voice mellow with affection and concern.

“My Sigyn is very dear to my heart and I wish to see her happy more than anything, trickster. So, why not go and speak your heart to her?”

***

Sigyn stopped feeding the gulls when she felt the familiar tingling of magic spreading through her body as Loki approached, and suddenly a whirlpool of emotions erupted inside her, threatening to drown her mercilessly.

Indescribable happiness rose from the core of her being flooding her for a moment before it was washed away by fear, grief and sorrow and chased by anger.

She had seen Loki arrive at her father's hall and had decided to leave and spend some time on the beach, hoping he would be gone by the time she returned.

After Thor had informed her of Loki's return to Asgard, Sigyn had spent many nights at Loki's bed, praying to the Goddess to save him. She had told him how much she missed him, how much she loved him. Sometimes he had looked at her when he opened his eyes, but he never seemed conscious enough to recognise her.

To her dismay, Loki had completely ignored her the day he saw her in the Great Hall.

And yet, she was sure he remembered her, because he made an effort _not_ to look at her or even greet her. It pained her more than anything.

He was clearly not interested in her, so why did he come now to disturb the peace of her home?

“Prince Loki”, she said without turning around to face him. “What do I owe the honour of your presence?” She was surprised at the amount of sarcasm that laced her own voice.

“Lady Sigyn, surely you must have picked up the sarcasm during your acquaintance with a certain God of Mischief. I must say it doesn't suit you. I much prefer your tongue's sweetness.”

“So my father spoke to you then, if you call me by my name? Or did you work it out yourself, now that the glamour is lifted?”

Loki did not answer, simply stood behind her and stared at the back of her head until she turned around to face him.

The wind blew her untamed locks into her face and she brushed them behind her ear, frowning slightly as she looked up at him, unable to hide the annoyance, whether it was at her hair or him, he could not tell.

“What is it you want, your highness?”

Loki would have smiled at the defiance in her tone, had he not been so insecure about his feelings.

As soon as he looked into her eyes, there were so many of them. Too many feelings.

Sweet, innocent, pure-hearted creature that she was, she needed no spell to utterly enchant him.

This girl had been his downfall twice already – Loki wondered if she could also be his salvation.

“Maybe we can drop the formalities, _Lady_ ****Sigyn?”

Loki stepped closer, so she had to tilt her head to hold his gaze.

“Did you not once claim me as your friend? Have I not touched and even kissed you in ways that only a lover would? Why the formalities then?”

Sigyn blushed at his words, averting her eyes, which made Loki smile. Even though her words were defiant and angry, she was neither bitter nor resentful towards him. He could see it. He could feel it. She was like a child.

_Sweet Allmother, she was a rare treasure._

And the God of Mischief prayed that she would find it in her heart to forgive him for his follies.

Right now, the dark god wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and kiss her.

A long, slow kiss that allowed him to taste her.

Savour her. Steal her soul. 

“Why have you come here, Loki?”

“I have come to ask if you would join me for a walk.”

Sigyn narrowed her eyes, trying to read his intentions. And just when Loki thought she would deny him even this simple wish, she nodded and averted her eyes.

“Fine. Let us walk.”

Sigyn crossed her arms over her chest and started walking with him, against the wind, so that it blew the hair out of her face. Loki side-eyed her while they walked in silence.

It was hard to believe that this beautiful goddess used to be the tiny child who giggled and squealed with delight as he carried her on his shoulders.

Sigyn cleared her throat. She could not hold it in anymore. She needed to know.

“What am I to make of you, Loki? Tell me.” Loki glanced at her, but she kept her eyes focused straight ahead. “You claimed that our friendship was true. That is was of innocent nature. Then you attempted to seduce me and disappeared the day after. Next I hear you have a wife in Jotunheim and are fathering three children with her.” Sigyn looked out onto the sea. “I heard what happened to them and I am truly sorry for what the Allfather did. No parent should ever suffer the loss of their children, no matter what the circumstances.”

“Sigyn.” Loki glanced at her, but she kept her gaze trained on the grey waves. “Last time I looked into your eyes they were full of fear. Were you not glad that I disappeared from your life?”

He swallowed the lump in his throat that threatened to rise as he remembered that fateful night.

“And does the God of Chaos run away every time somebody tells him they are afraid of him?”

“I usually resort to making them fear me more.”

“I would not have objected to that.”

Loki raised an eyebrow at her answer.

“You would **not** have? What has happened to my sweet and innocent Goddess?”

“ _Your_ Goddess?” She smiled involuntarily. “Just because I am allowing you to walk with me, does not mean I am allowing you back into my life.”

“Your father said you wished to marry me.”

Sigyn blushed and her smile fell.

“I was but a child when I said that. And he – he did  **not** tell you that!”

“He did. And you were too small and much too skinny as far as I remember. You had those large hazel eyes -”

“Why have you come here, Loki?” Sigyn spun around to face him, her eyes glinting. “To taunt me? I know that I never was as beautiful as other Goddesses, and I  _never_ will be. There is no reason for you to point that out. If you just came here to insult me, or say something hurtful, then save your breath. I do not understand why they call you Liesmith, when you always seem to speak the truth and in such a painful way? I seriously doubt your reputation of having a silver tongue. Have you not hurt me enough? Is your desire never quenched? Or do you wish to humiliate me because I denied you? Then you should know that you were the  **only** one I would have given myself to, and you succeeded in making me think you cared – but for you it was just a game, wasn't it? Like this is now. You did not even make the effort to stay around for another day! Just  **one** day, Loki. I came to your house that morning to ask your forgiveness, to confess my love to you but you were gone! You just left. You left me. You left me to go to Jotunheim. And you never came back. You forgot about me, as if I never existed. You had a wife and children and a family – and – and --”

Sigyn blurted out then stopped and pressed her hand against her mouth.

She had not meant for this to happen, to be so honest with him, but her heart was so weary. So heavy.

Grief-stricken, Loki reached out and carefully placed two fingers under her chin to turn her to face him and she turned away. Yet he could see the tears that sparkled in the corners of her eyes.

He had come to speak with her, tell her how much she meant to him, apologise to her, beg her forgiveness – and what had he done?

He had managed to upset her.

_What was he doing? Was he ever going to get this right?_

Sigyn fought to not let those tears fall, but her quivering lip betrayed her.

“I did not intend to hurt you with my words. I never intended to hurt you.”

“Then why are you doing this to me? Why did you come here?”

A tear rolled down her cheek and Loki wiped it away with his thumb.

“Look at me.”

She turned her head and searched his eyes.

“Did you truly fear me that night, Sigyn? I  _must_ know.”

She looked at him for a long time before she shook her head.

“I – I feared my feelings for you. If you had asked me that night to give myself to you, I would have broken my vow to the Goddess, because I desired nothing more than to lie in your arms.  _That_ frightened me. I was terrified of the truth. The truth that I had lost myself. In **you**.”

Now more tears rolled down her cheeks and she turned away and wiped them with the sleeve of her dress.

“Will you believe me when I say that I wanted to prove to you that my words were true? That I valued you as a friend, and that I did not desire you merely because I could not have you? Will you believe me, when I tell you that I went to the elders that morning and asked their permission to court you.”

“To  **court** me?”

“As my future wife.”

“Your –  _what_?”

“They denied my request, because you were of royal blood and apparently I was not pure enough for you.”

“I do not understand, by Vanic law it is entirely up to the priestess to make that choice.”

“Because it was not  _Vanic_ law. It was Odin's law. I was told that you were promised to Thor and that you would not be released from your duties until you had mothered an heir of royal blood. I could not see myself living with that. And I am impulsive and rash and I was so – furious **.** Had I stayed, I would have laid waste to the entire village, but because of you, I could not bring myself to let them feel my wrath. Because I could not let you see what I truly am capable of. I could not risk hurting you. That is why I left. And I admit that I desired nothing more than to forget you. I used my wife to forget you. I betrayed her and my children. I am guilty of many crimes, but I am not guilty of the one you are accusing me of. This is the truth.”

The God of Mischief fell silent. Sigyn could not help but notice how defeated he looked.

Loki closed his eyes and he dropped to his knees in the wet sand in front of her.

“I need you, goddess. You keep me sane.” He whispered. “Please, forgive me. Forgive me, my love.”

When Sigyn's hands gently brushed over his head and she pulled him towards her to rest his head against her stomach, Loki sighed.

He felt his eyes fill with tears and wrapped his arms around her slender body to anchor him.

The way she threaded her fingers through his hair. The way she pressed her soft lips against his forehead.

It soothed him.

Soothed his soul.

“I love you.” Sigyn whispered. “I have always loved you, my dark, beautiful god.”

She sank down on her knees to cup his face with her hands, covering it with gentle kisses, before she placed her lips on his.

Soft, warm, and gentle.

_This is home._

_This is where I belong._

Loki allowed the tears to flow.

Sigyn's lips opened as he responded to her kiss, allowing him to dip his tongue into her mouth and search for hers. He purred when they touched and Sigyn's fingers tightened in Loki's hair.

One of his hands traveled up to the small of her neck, threading into her hair to bend her head, so he could deepen the kiss.

She tasted sweet. So sweet.

Utterly delicious.

Their lips stilled against each other.

“Tell me this is not a dream.” Loki whispered against her mouth.

“No dream.” She replied, her hands resting on Loki's cheeks.

“Marry me.”

Sigyn pulled away and cocked an eyebrow.

“You do not even bother to pose it as a question, do you? Have you not learnt by now that ordering me around will never bring you the desired results?”

Without a word, Loki leaned forward and pulled her lower lip into his mouth, sucking it gently, making Sigyn moan softly before he cupped her face with both hands and ravished her with a kiss that left her panting his name when he pulled away.

“Please?” Loki offered with a small smirk and she glared at him.

“Insufferable god.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and Loki pulled her close to him. Sigyn closed her eyes as she remembered the last time she had met her god on this very same beach.

“Loki! Catch me!”

Sigyn ran along the beach, seagulls croaking with annoyance as the girl stirred them up. The tall dark God scooped her up into his arms, when he caught up with her, and sent her flying through the air for a moment, before she landed back in his arms. She squealed with delight. He spun around a few times, sending her into endless giggles, and, when at last he stopped to stand still and drew her against his chest, she wrapped her arms around his neck, deeply inhaling his scent of leather, fresh forest air and a heavy, sweet fragrance that was so unique to this God, who she loved more than anyone else.

She felt his chest vibrate with a soft chuckle as her fingers knotted in his soft hair and he held her more tightly against him.

“I will always catch you, my flower. Always. I will never let you go.”

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for typos. I am mildly dyslexic and don't have anyone to proof read - so be lenient. :)


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